Save Dakota Fanning!

We're Back!

2008-02-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

We here at SaveDakota couldn't let a whole year go by without posting. Almost a year, sure, but now a whole year. So, here we are, back again.

A lot has happened in the past year. Rumor has it that Tom Cruise is trying to have sex with a vagina again, to produce LRon Spawn #2. In the meantime, Kat(i)e and Baby Suri have been sporting disturbingly similar haircuts.

On the Scientology front, an anonymous group is getting more and more braisen in trying to bring the ~~cult, er, sorry,~~ "church" down (or at least bring negative publicity). From masked demonstrations in Santa Barbara to much larger plans here in the LA area, the whispers on the internet are getting louder, but also more careful. Detailed instructions on give on how to keep your, and your computer's identity a secret when participating in any planning. If you're interested in contributing (or just reading about) Project Chanology, you can learn more here. You can also read more about Sunday's up and coming protest here.

All that is well and good, but were is our lovely lady Dakota? Not a whole lot. At least, nothing promising. Right now she's supposed to be filming The Secret Life of Bees, but since it will be costarring Queen Latifa, I don't have very high hopes. Also, she's just hitting her "awkward age." But, you can find a fantastic amount of creepy fan "music videos" or Dakota and her younger sister Elle on youtube, created by "young" "female" fans. Sure.

Lovely Dakota indeed.

We Love You, Dakota...

2007-02-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

...But I wouldn't consider this inaccurate.

The Dakota Fanning Show.

Thank you Jon-O for the link.

Ugh.

2007-01-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

NOBODY WANTS THIS.

"Don't You Want Devoted Followers?"

2007-01-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

A layman's guide to starting his very OWN money-grubbing, mind-control cult.

Not that we're implying anything.
pleasedontsueus

Can This Marriage Be Saved?!

2007-01-25T14:21:00.000-08:00

From the National Enquirer:

Katie Holmes is so far under Tom Cruise’s control that insiders are calling her a “Stepford Wife.” The new issue of the National Enquirer has exclusive details from inside the bizarre marriage of Katie and Tom.

Tom has taken over almost every aspect of Katie’s life, even approving her clothing and friends. “Tom doesn’t want Katie wearing anything flashy – and nothing too revealing either,” one insider says. Others point out a dramatic change in Katie, from a free-spirited, independent person to a meek and submissive one, caught in Tom’s world with few friends, no career and no way out. Insiders point out that Katie even limits her phone calls to 15 minutes.

I think we'd all love to see Kat(i)e break free. But is it too late? Perhaps so. Kat(i)e may have to lie in the bed she's made for the time being, but it's NOT TOO LATE to save Dakota Fanning from such a fate.

Jesus Cruise?

2007-01-25T14:15:00.000-08:00

Tom Cruise Compared To Christ

Tom Cruise has been named the new "Christ" of Scientology, according to the leaders of the religion.

The Mission: Impossible star has reportedly been told that he has been chosen to spread the word of his faith throughout the world.

Leader David Miscavige believes that in the future Cruise will be revered like Jesus for his work in propagating the religion.

A source told The Sun, "Tom has been told he is Scientology's Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he's been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right."

Cruise joined the Church of Scientology in the 1980s and has recently risen to one of the Church's top levels.

On the one hand: terrifying.
On the other: hey, as long as we get to nail him to a cross, I can dig it.

Scientology Sends The Big Guns To Washington

2007-01-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Scooter Libby Loves Tom Cruise

During the anxious days of late spring 2003 inside the White House, as the rationale for the Iraq war was eroding, Scooter Libby was especially worked up one morning about a visit from a couple of VIPs. CIA official Craig Schmall testified in Libby’s perjury trial yesterday that notes he took from a June 14 intelligence briefing with Dick Cheney’s then chief of staff included this sentence: “Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz at his office.”

It's Like She Shops For Friends At The State Hospital

2006-12-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not entirely certain that this is the lesser of two evils.

Dakota is like a MAGNET FOR THE CRAZY.

Perhaps the time has come to expand our reach. TommyTomTomTom might be all hitched-up to his current child-bride, but it is quickly becoming apparent that Dakota needs saved from THE WORLD.

A Familiar Voice Sends An SOS

2006-12-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

You've seen GoFugYourself, right?
Oh god, if not: YOU MUST.
Anyways.

ASK UNKLE FUGLY!

So... God, I'm nervous even writing this. Okay. Deep breath. See, I am a newlywed. And we're having our first Thanksgiving together. And his... traditions... are a tiny bit different than mine. For one thing, he doesn't want to have it on Thanksgiving because he thinks that's not what the Pilgrims would want, and whenever I try to explain that having Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving is kind of the whole POINT, he tells me that I haven't done my research and that he has and I should just let him handle things because he's a pilgrim expert. Also, believes that if we just leave the turkey on the counter overnight, Xe -- uh, I mean, some kind of cosmic force that he thinks is all-powerful -- will stuff it with good fortune. But I always thought it was sort of unhygenic to do that. He then wants us put on robes, rub our daughter with truffle oil, and read aloud passages from Battlefield Earth, because he says it's some kind of special auditing ceremony for babies who can't speak yet to confess their sins. Also, I like to say grace before we eat, but he likes to stand on his chair and throw his arms up to the sky and shout, "PURGE OUR THETANS, O GREAT ONE!" And then he starts laughing and clapping. Which, let's be honest, kind of weirded out my parents the last time so I told them it wouldn't happen again, but I'm not actually sure I can stop it. So I guess what I'm asking is, how the Hell did I get here, and yes, HUSBAND, I did say "Hell," because six months of your stupid free classes is nothing compared to a lifetime of being Catholic and I STILL BELIEVE IN MY OWN THING AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT OWWWWWWWWWWWWW I think the chip he put in my brain just zapped me. What was I saying? Oh yes -- have you ever taken a Personality Test?

Sincerely,

Everything Is Fine And I Am Fine And My Baby Is Fine And We're All Just Fine Here, Thanks!

Dear EIFAIAFAMBIFAWAJFHT,

Bitch, I have no idea what you're even talking about.

Oh sweetie. It's ... too late. You've crossed over. The light doesn't even SHINE where you're at right now. All I can tell you is to stay strong, drink a LOT (I'm talking vodka and tonics, not those froofy frozen peach things that TommyTom insists on blending up every night before he has his masseuse rub him down with the oils that reek of coconut), and know that you've only got, what? Nine years, eleven months and change left in the contract?

Perhaps We Have Nothing To Fear

2006-12-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

While reading our very important daily headline news over at OhNoTheyDidn't!, SaveDakota ran across this image created by the talented, lovely, and sweet-smelling crazy_clockwork:

Oh gee! I mean, with a face like that, surely we can let down our guard a little, right? Sweet little Suri; she's just a BABY! Not some terrifying genetically-mutated Hubbardian offspring! Not some monster from Planet Xenu (or whatever it's called; we've lost track, and just kinda don't care)! What do we have to worry about?!

Then again.
Remember how Gremlins started out?

I think I'll keep my holy water bedside. Just in case.

If You Find Yourself In New York....

2006-12-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

This holiday season, a jubilant cast of children celebrate the controversial Church of Scientology in uplifting pageantry and song. Portraying Tom Cruise, the intergalactic ruler Xenu and a dancing brain, among others, the large ensemble explains and dissects the actual teachings of Scientology against the candy-colored backdrop of a traditional nativity play.

Avant-garde performance art and children's theater meet in one of the funniest and most bewildering holiday shows you will ever see: the OBIE Award-winning ironic masterpiece A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant.

Get your tickets now before they're all gone! Go to telecharge.com or call 212-460-5475.

BUY YOUR TICKET HERE

Some Fanning News

2006-12-01T11:57:00.000-08:00

1. Maybe we should focus more on DRESSING Dakota, instead of saving her.

Poor girl.

2. She hates Vegemite.

3. She thinks Tom Cruise is a pig.

She said she could not name a favourite co-star and had enjoyed working with Tom Cruise in the blockbuster War of the Worlds as much as she had with the 60-odd pigs who had shared the role of Wilbur in Charlotte's Web.

Where Is The Original Content?

2006-12-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, we here at SaveDakota have just been pasting and stealing, with very little original content?

What can we say? Cruise is married or whatever. He may be a sleaze, but he's not the type to cheat on his wife. Well, not with a female, at least. So, while we'll keep an eye on the Cruise Situation for you, it's not such a pressing concern as it was about a year ago when we started this campaign.

Ms. Fanning has remained safe, and is growing into quite a pretty young lady, despite fears of her getting ugly as she approached puberty.

That's not to say we're going to become one of the masturbating fan sites, gushing and crap. But, also, do not fear. We will not become the petty streets of PerezHiltonville. No, we could never stoop that low.

Here's a little news roundup:

Will Smith has turned his back on pal Tom Cruise's efforts to convert him to Scientology because he doesn't want to upset his late grandmother

Rumor has it, Tom and Katie will release some terrible duet couple album. If it's going to be anything like "Ebony and Ivory," I'll preorder right now.

Selfnamed JLo (we're still a little upset she actually pulled that off), realizing that if Scientology can't stop Cruise from shooting blanks, it can do anything, turns to the cult for help

‘‘A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant.”Presented by Boston Theatre Works at the Boston Center for the Arts’ Plaza Theatre, through Dec. 16.

Man claims Scientology the modern Buddhism. No one cares.

"a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat" Further proof that Scientology is the best practical joke every played on retarded famous people.

You've Lost That Lovin' FEEEEEEELIN'!

2006-11-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

http://movies.msn.com/movies/hotgossip/11-20-06_5

Now that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have sealed their conspiracy-crammed coupling with an oh-so-uncomfortable three-minute kiss, a few of the more, oh, let's say special aspects of their Italian castle-set nuptials are emerging. Among them: People reports the groom channeled his bygone "Top Gun" alter ego Maverick as he serenaded his bride -- sans wingman Goose, unfortunately -- with the Righteous Brothers classic "You've Lost that Loving Feeling." While belting out an emotional tune about fading love (sample lyric: "You never close your eyes any more/ When I kiss your lips/And there's no tenderness like before/ In your fingertips ... It makes me just feel like crying baby/ 'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying") might seem an odd choice for a wedding reception, we suppose it's no more of a head-scratcher than how Cruise appears ever-so-slightly taller than his far more statuesque wife in their wedding photo.

How is this the family?

2006-11-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

Isn't nicole part of the family. Those are HER children, too.

What? Me Suri?

2006-11-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

The most accurate depiciton of what Katie SHOULD be thinking:

Man Boobs

2006-11-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

Cruise has been sporting man boobs (moobs) for a few months now.

We here at SaveDakota have finally figured out why.

Cruise has been NURSING SURI!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoa.

Sick.

About That Wedding Picture

2006-11-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

Did he make her hunch way down?! She looks slouchy and bent-kneeish. It looks like her dress is dragging the ground. Plus, it looks like there's a slight bump near the knee area. It looks like she's hunching. They probably dug a nice hole for her to plant her feet in.

Is Tom's masculinity so intertwined with his height that he can't have his wife an inch or two taller? I kind of hope so, because that will make him even more pathetic than he already is, and I looooooove a pathetic Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise.

Suri toting

2006-11-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is Tom the one holding Suri in almost every picture we see of the kid? Aside from when Suri was still entombed (allegedly) inside Katie and the one picture from the photo spread where Katie is on her back holding Suri, Tom is always carrying her.

I just saw it as yet another proof of ownership, in the same way that he's always got "Kate" by an upper-arm death grip.

Ewwww

2006-11-19T19:36:00.000-08:00

Someone keeps searching Google for 'dakota fanning naked'.

I'm actually, honestly, disturbed by this.

The only thing worse was finding this:

http://dakotafanningnaked.6dlm.org/

What? The? FUCK?

The real reason we haven't seen Suri Cruise: a birthmark?

2006-11-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

We've been very excited to see the new photos of Suri Cruise, 7 months old, taken this week leading up to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding. These first candid photos of their baby are exciting for several reasons. The first is that we've been deprived of photos of her since her Vanity Fair debut, the second is that we've been deprived of candid photos of her up to this point, but thirdly because the photos reveal what may be the true reason Suri has been kept out of the public eye.

We'd like to call your attention to what appears to be a slight but distinctive birthmark located in the middle of her forehead between her eyes visible in several photos that was not visible in the Vanity Fair photos. It was rumored that there was a lot of airbrushing involved in her Vanity Fair shoot and this is what was probably airbrushed. In these new candid shots of her, her thick black hair is combed forward, most likely in an attempt to conceal the mark. Of course, it is also possible Suri fell and bruised her face.

We don't know what type of birthmark this is, but it's likely they have tried to have it removed or reduced because the color is very subtle.

From what we understand, there are three major types of birthmarks: port wine stains, hemangiomas, and vascular malformations. According to Birthmark.org and Birthmark.com, hemangiomas are reddish in color, 83% occur on the head and neck area, occur 5 times more often in females, appear at or shortly after birth, growing rapidly for first nine months and most stop growing by 18 months,can be raised, flat or both, responds to steroid treatment but only some respond to laser treatment. Port wine stains are red or purple, can appear anywhere on body, are present at birth, don't grow, are flat at birth but may slightly thicken with age, do not respond to steroid treatment but do respond to laser treatment and can change color with hot or cold temperatures.

Does the red mark on Suri's forehead look like a birthmark to you?

If the seclusion and rumored airbrushing was because of this alleged birthmark, what are the specific reasons Tom and Katie kept Suri out of public? Were Tom and Katie afraid the public would focus in on the birthmark too much? Were they uncomfortable about it themselves? Could removal of the birthmark be another reason the wedding was delayed?

So, They're Married Or Whatever

2006-11-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

Here are a bunch of pictures I'm stealing:

SAVE ME

SURI GETS MANICURE

2006-11-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

awesome.

Tom/Katie Wedding This Weekend

2006-11-14T15:30:00.000-08:00

So, they're getting married this weekend. In Rome. Blah Blah Blah. Watch me quote from news articles.

The 44-year-old actor and Holmes, 27, are set to marry in an undisclosed Italian location Saturday. Speculation on the location has focused on Odescalchi Castle on Lake Bracciano, near the capital. The romantic, 15th-century castle, with its halls and gardens, can host up to 1,400 guests.

blah blah blah

Despite reports that Katie's parents were upset when she converted to Scientology, ABC News has learned that Katie's father will give her away.

blah blah blah. why are you still reading this blog? who even cares about them anymore?

The 27-year-old Katie will wear a wedding gown made by one of the wedding's guests, designer Giorgio Armani.

Other stars planning to attend the event are actor Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith. Andrea Bocelli, the famous tenor from Tuscany, is expected to perform.

etc, etc.

Oh, looks like Oprah wasn't invited.

I still keep waiting for Tom to get real.

Hey, everyone, I'm straight. PSYCHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I've Been Lazy

2006-11-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

And slacking, because, well, Tom's been so caught up with being crazy, I felt Dakota was safe, at least for now.

Anyway, I received this comment today:

surely herparents will protect her from this egocentric jerkhes managed to wreck katie's career as well as his own LEAVE DAKOTA ALONE HER TALENT SURPASSESS TOM'S AND SHE DOESNT NEED HIM IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. -A DAKOTA FANNING FAN

Now, I'm not entirely sure if it's Tom Cruise who is being insulted, or if *I* am supposed to leave Ms. Fanning alone.

So, I'd like to state: I have Ms. Fanning's best interest in mind. I have never tried to contact her, approach her, harass her, or upset her. My entire purpose for this blog was to keep the eyes and ears of the public open to the danger that Mr. Cruise poses.

Well, and to post snarky gossip. We can't all be Mother Teressa.

Anyway, I'll try to keep you abreast (snicker) of the situation.

But, I have to say, I'm pretty sure we're all bored with Cruise at this point.

HOW THE HELL DID THIS PICTURE HAPPEN?

2006-11-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

I don't understand.

Wedding Bells = Dakota's Safe. For now

2006-10-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

Yahoo! News Claims Wedding Date

Hollywood's most high-profile engaged couple have finally set a wedding date.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will marry in Italy on Nov. 18, Cruise's representative, Arnold Robinson, confirmed to The Associated Press on Tuesday. Holmes will wear a dress designed by Giorgio Armani, Robinson also confirmed.

The wedding date was reported by Us Weekly magazine on its Web site.

No wonder Katie's been the practicing anorexic.

Will Tom be forced to wear a bra for his man titties, though?

With Tom safely locked up in the bonds of a heterosexual marriage with an adult of the age of legal consent, will Dakota finally be safe?

Considering how fast our girl is growing up, soon she'll be looking like this

And I'm sure tom will be all over her once again.

We cannot stop the good fight.

Dress Up Dirty Suri Cruise

2006-10-20T11:16:00.000-07:00

Dress her up like her little alien self in all sorts of gear by following the link

My Dear Katie....

2006-10-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

Anorexia is treating you well already...

Nice hearse. Is it for your dear career?

Do You Like My Crazy Teeth

2006-10-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone remembers their stations, because the long rumoured TomKat wedding seems to be drawing nigh. The dress is her something new, her fiancée Tom Cruise is her something old and Victoria Beckham's look is her something borrowed. What's something blue? All her fans who are crying, Katie, don't do it!

While the 27-year-old Katie was visiting France with random new gal pal, 31-year-old Victoria, she stopped into the Chanel store in Paris for some retail therapy (the only kind of therapy permitted by her belief system, Scientology). When she left, she told Star magazine that Chanel's Karl Lagerfeld was a favourite designer of hers.

"His work is exquisite," she said. "I'm interested in everything Karl produces, including wedding dresses." That bomb just drops out of nowhere! I encourage you to read it again, it's still a shocker.

Now I don't know why she's talking to all these celeb mags, but also during her Parisian girl power party she dropped another hot tip right into Us magazine's mouth. Showing up 40 minutes late for the Yves Saint Laurent fashion show, she told the mag, "I'm picking clothes for my closet. I've already chosen my wedding dress." This girl's chucking scoops like she's delivering the newspaper!

During her jaunt through Paris, Katie underwent a noticeable Posh-ification, dressing in big diva sunglasses, prissy white blouses and puffy skirts. I guess she doesn't have to rely on the Joey Potter wardrobe now that she has access to the Cruise millions.

Now, it's long been reported that Victoria and David Beckham are anxious for a big break in North America, because apparently they're not famous enough here to hock their fragrance line, though I think the reality is that we know who they are, we just don't really care. So how convenient that Victoria and Katie are bringing each other attention on opposite sides of the ocean. It's like they're on a celebrity cultural exchange, though the exchange seems to be more of a What Not To Wear experience from the former Posh Spice to Katie.

As for a wedding date, the World Entertainment News Network has played it safe and circled the month of November as their prediction. So long as we're taking random guesses, I'm feeling like the wedding will happen suspiciously close to the October 30 DVD release of Mission: Impossible III. Right now I'm feeling pretty good about Tom and Katie, but if my prediction comes true, I'm ringing my scam alarm.

I call BS twice

2006-10-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

So, rumor on the street

#1: Kidman called up Holmes, told her to go ahead and marry the creep.

Now, let's be serious. She knows he's Teh Crzee. Why would she encourage anyone to marry him? Sounds like Glib Publicity to me.

#2: Katie is hungry for another baby.

Only because she's been starving herself to get thin. She's hungry for anything she can stuff in her mouth.

Pee to the Ess

2006-10-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

Look at Katie's "hand"

And.....

If Mommy's all over Europe, instead of being a good little girl and staying home with baby, which nanny (or, dare we dream, MANNY) is watching wigwearing Suri?

Studying Up For The Pro Ana Quiz

2006-10-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

First, everyone is concerned that she lose weight.

Then, she starts spending time with Posh Spice, aka Alien Tits, Slim Jim Body.

Bit now, one of the queens of thinspiration is at her side:

Oh, Katie, you're too fat to be friends with Kate Bosworth.

Your chest will never be concave enough.

How They Met....AWWWWWWWW

2006-10-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

It keeps getting weirder: according to FOX news, "Talking to some insiders recently, I discovered that Cruise — when he invited Holmes to join him in Rome right after they met in April 2005 — gave the young actress a credit card with a $100,000 spending limit. He told her to go back to New York and buy whatever she needed for the trip.

Additionally, Cruise, friends say, did indeed have Katie’s car overhauled the day he met her. The order of events seems to have been an eight-hour meeting — yes, an eight-hour meeting — with Cruise to discuss “Mission: Impossible 3.”

During this time, Cruise told Holmes he didn’t like the dents and scrapes on her car, and took it from her. When he returned it the next day, it was like a miracle body lift had taken place. The rest is history.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: no one whom Holmes knew prior to her meeting Cruise has seen or heard from her since then. None of her close friends ever received word of her relationship, pregnancy or birth of baby Suri. And nearly none of them expect to be invited to a wedding.

“It’s very sad,” says one ex-friend. “She was a great girl.”

Um, wow.

2006-10-07T23:07:00.000-07:00

Once again, that doesn't look anything like her.

I cry foul!

Props to Go Fug Yourself

2006-10-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

POSH: So, er, Kat(i)e... is that what you're wearing to the Chanel show?

KAT(I)E: Yes. Tom picked it out. It's amazing. He said it made me look extraordinary.

POSH: That's lovely and all but don't you think it's a bit... much?

KAT(I)E: Tom told me that now that I'm an extraordinary childbearing woman, I should dress like one.

POSH: Well, you look like an extraordinary childbearing curtain in Chaka Khan's brothel, sweets, I'm just being honest here.

KAT(I)E: Is it not amazing? Really?

POSH: It's not that bad. It just doesn't work for this occasion, babes. I mean, look at me -- aren't we going around together so that you can study me? You want to look chic and sleek, not bleak.

KAT(I)E: You're so smart. This is so exciting.

POSH: I was in the Spice Girls. We did a lot of rhyming.

KAT(I)E: I am a thrilling woman.

POSH: Look, I'm going to level with you, Kat(i)e. It's great that you're trying to prop up your boobs, really-- I have made a career out of that -- but the bloody gown looks like it's weighing you down, it's way too much for a daytime event, and Kat(i)e, love, you're not to wear closed-toed shoes with something that aggressive, okay? You might as well be wearing loafers, babes. Frumpalicious.

KAT(I)E: This is so amazing. I can't wait to be a mother. Tom and I are really thrilled.

POSH: Er...what?

KAT(I)E: I am enjoying my courses in Extraordinary and I can't wait to be a Tom Scientology baby.

POSH: Bloody hell, this girl's malfunctioning. I can't work with this, people. Hello? Can any of her minders fix her?

KAT(I)E: The wedding is in two Suris but she's doing thrilled! I am excited to be Scientolmazing! Leah Remini amazatology!

POSH: Oh, bollocks to THIS. I need a drink.

Rule #1 Of Becoming Anorexic:

2006-10-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

Get A Sponser:

OMG FATTY MCFATTFATT LOSE WEIGHT FATTY

2006-10-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

PS:

2006-10-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Tom, if Katie's so McFattFatt, why are you the one with bitchtitties?

L:ooks Like Tom Wants Katie Anorexic

2006-10-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

It seems Tom Cruise has a new mission these days -- helping Katie Holmes reclaim her former hardbodied physique. According to sources close to the couple, Tom has become "very concerned" about her appearance these days, and has become directly involved with Katie's workout regimen as a result.

According to sources, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes so his bride-to-be "looks the best that she can walking next to him down the aisle."

In addition to joining her strenuous workout sessions, Tom also makes sure that Katie's strict workout schedule goes without interruption by personally booking babysitters for the kids.

Katie has developed quite a fondness for pumping iron, something she was unable to do while pregnant with Suri. Since the birth of her daughter, Katie is said to be hitting the weights at least 4-5 times a week, focusing on building muscle in her shoulders and back.

As TMZ first reported, Katie has recruited the help of the Buff Brides fitness program to help squeeze into her sleek, form fitting strapless wedding gown.

Let's take a look at Katie's most recent outing pictures:

Hello Fatty #1:

Hellow Fatty #2:

Yeah, Katie, you are MEGA FAT. You need to slim WAY down, Fatty McFatt Fatt

Celebs Rockin' "The Suri"

2006-10-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Source

Outrage as US baby wig craze hits Britain

2006-09-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

Celebrity wigs designed for babies up to nine months old and are set to hit the market, to the outrage of children's charities.

...Michelle Elliott of Kidscape said as well as unnecessary the wigs could be dangerous.

"Wigs are incredibly uncomfortable for a start. Babies are wonderful but dirty little things and the last thing they need is a wig."

The wigs are manufactured by California-based firm BabyToupee and cost £14.

The firm's website says its aim to "show that while parenting can be a great responsibility, it can also be a source of endless amusement."

See? She's Too Thin Already!!!!!!

2006-09-26T16:08:00.001-07:00

Remember Tom talking about how she's going to lose all that weight? And then the rumors of her playing Posh in some craptastic made for tv movie?

Well, she looks skinnier than before she got "knocked up" out of wedlock.

Katie and Tom were doing their favorite thing this weekend. They
watched Conner's football game after returning from Vegas. The couple
couldn't have looked happier and Katie has every reason to be smiling. After
showing off baby Suri she is now showing off her skinny body. Apparently
she worked hard running and working out with a trainer to get back to
her size 6 shape. Looks like all of that hard work paid off.

Seriously I don't think I've ever seen parents without their children
more than they are! Has that child left the house more than twice

*cough*anorexic*cough*

Nice diet soda, fatty.

(pee ess: looks like Tom's dipping into the wig factory, too)

See? She's Too Thin Already!!!!!!

2006-09-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

All Suri, All The Time

2006-09-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

And proof that Suri is a pimp.

In The Butt

2006-09-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Just another creepy Scientologist.

Suri, I'm Sorry

2006-09-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

Suri Cruise: Behind The Magic

2006-09-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

indeed.

Joan Rivers Knows Fake When She Sees It

2006-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

You don't know the history of ugly. Joan Rivers does.

The US comedienne singled out the five-month-old daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes during her comic routine at top venue Cutting Room, in Manhattan, on Wednesday night (09.20.06). Referring to Suri's appearance and thick head of hair in the family's recent Vanity Fair photo shoot, Rivers said: "She's obviously Asian and wears a wig." Rivers - who is renowned for her cutting comments - also took a shot at new mother Angelina Jolie. She exclaimed: "She can catch fish in her big lower lip." Her comments come as the "Tomb Raider" actress and her partner Brad Pitt launched their own charity to help tackle extreme poverty and the spread of AIDS. The Jolie/Pitt Foundation has already given $1 million to the Global Action for Children and another $1 million to Doctors Without Borders. The couple, who are well known for their humanitarian work, have two adopted children - Maddox, five, and 18-month-old Zahara - and one biological daughter, four-month-old Shiloh Nouvel."

Scientology: OT Level 8 CONFIRMED

2006-09-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

It all makes so much sense now.

KATIE HOLMES GOES ANOREXIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

KATIE Holmes is set to return to the big screen as Victoria Beckham in a blockbusting film based on her husband David’s meteoric rise to fame. The 27-year-old fiancée of Tom Cruise is said to be "moved" at the prospect of playing 32-year-old Posh with whom she has become good friends. Tom, due to tie the knot with Batman Begins star Katie in a few weeks, suggested the Real Madrid star’s story to his former studio Paramount before they parted ways. The canny bigwigs are thought to have promptly "optioned" the idea before splitting with Tom last month. And although he won’t be starring as David, 31, it’s thought he’ll be producing or directing or advising on the script. Our Tinseltown tongue-wagger said: "Tom has a brilliant grasp of what the public want to see and thought David’s story was wonderful. A football star emerges from humble origins, there’s drama within the matches and romance in his love affair with Victoria at the height of her pop star fame. "At the time Tom was seeing quite a lot of David and Victoria. The quartet are very close friends and the Beckhams would only be happy about their story being used if Tom and Katie were involved. "Katie is perfect to play a young Posh and has been working on her accent. Tom wouldn’t work as David however, the physical difference is too marked. "Tom really wanted David’s character to be played by a Brit." Actors in the running include Britpack faves Jason Statham, 34, and Paul Bettany, 35.

Chris Klein: You are NOT The Father

2006-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, she looked so normal then....

I ran into Katie Holmes' former flame Friday night at Runway for Life at the Beverly Hilton. Chris, his new, fairly presentable g-friend, Ginnifer Goodwin, and other celebs like Anna Kournikova and Cindy Crawford hit the runway to raise money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

One word for Mr. Klein during my Suri inquisition: Unflappable. After some obligatory career chitchat, I got to the million-dollar question on every gossip's minds and mouths. "Have you seen Vanity Fair?" I asked. "I have indeed, yes," Chris replied, politely yet succinctly.

"Any thoughts?" I pressed, as inquiring minds (like yours and mine, natch ) so want to know C.K.'s feelings regarding the new insta-nuclear fam that is Tom&Kate&Suri.

"I think they look so lovely and so happy, and I'm really, really happy for them," he said semisincerely, and rather repetitively, without batting an eyelash of irony regarding his ex, the former Katie Holmes. Jeez. Now, I was über-impressed Mr. K. hadn't bolted off the carpet or given me the hand yet, so I figured why not go there? You know: There.

"What do you think about the gossip that Suri looks like you?" I said, quasi-innocently, but really not. "Do people ever ask you about that?" I was fully prepared for the American Pie performer to throw an apple job in my face, or at least to walk away.

But Chris stayed and answered!

"I've never had anyone ask me that before," he replied, ever so thoughtfully. Could he actually have been telling the truth? Hmmm. "I haven't even heard people talking like that." (Obviously, the dude doesn't read the rags.) "It's definitely them, and they look so beautiful," he surmised.

"Are you and Katie still in contact?" I asked, for good horse-corpse-beating measure.

"We've been so busy that it's hard to keep in touch," he explained. Ding-ding-ding! That would be the sound of my way nosy questions coming to a close. Big snaps for Chris...He was a great sport the entire time. The almost beefy boy (with a nice bum) came off sincere and not the least bit bitter. So, either TomKat ain't even a blip on his radar, or he's a much better actor than I thought.

TOM CRUISE IS GAY TELL ALL

2006-09-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

here

"Now listen to me very closely. I want you to tell me everything. I want to know what the weather was like when you drove to the estate, outside London to meet Tom Cruise. I want to know the names of streets you traveled on to get to the country house where you say you and Tom Cruise wrestled and had sexual relations. That's what you are saying, right?"

Now Red seemed to have collected himself and responded with a very short, but direct, "Yes.".

"Where was Nicole at the time? They were shooting a film, right? Tell me the name of the film they were doing when all this happened."

Red softly answered, "Eyes Wide Shut."

Anthony blasted Red. "I didn't hear you."

Red fired back, so loud he could be heard in the neighboring office, "Eyes Wide Shut!"

Throughout the hour and a half interrogation Pellicano delivered his questions in rapid fire succession. I noticed that Red, at times, seemed frazzled at the simplest questions. But I have to give it to him. He, surprisingly, held his own. However, I had no doubt that Pellicano intended to shake him up, trying to see if he would fall apart under pressure.

"Look at me when I am talking to you!" Pellicano did not ask, he demanded. "Describe the sound of Tom Cruise's voice? What distinguishable marks does he have on his face? And, I'm going to tell you that right now. There are distinguishable marks that you can only see up close. So, if you are lying to me, I'm going to know."

The master interrogator dominated the scene - and - seemed to truly enjoy it, shooting off questions without pause; without seeming to take a breath. One after another. On and on. Consecutively, in staccato fashion. "What color is his hair? What shape are his eyebrows? Tell me about his eye lashes? Are they long? Are they dark, or are they lighter than the hair on his head? How tall is he? Is he left handed or right handed? Do you know? Did you see his penis?"

The merciless grilling continued non-stop. Red did not have a second to think. Pellicano did not want him to falter, hesitate or take a breath or pause long enough to create or invent a tale. He wanted the truth and nothing but the truth. He conducted one of the most masterful interrogations I've ever seen. I got to see first hand, the maestro at work. What a learning experience. I sat in silence, on the edge of my seat.

The bombardment questions continued. "What was the limo driver's name? You say there were two men who took you to Tom Cruise' country home outside London. What were their names?"

"I remember one of them. A big burly looking guy named Mickey." Red detailed the stocky, barrel-chested limo driver right down to his hairy knuckles.

"What gate did the driver use to enter onto the property? You say the home was outside London. Where outside London? Describe the landscape. Did you walk upstairs into the house? What door did you enter through? Were there security guards? Once you entered the premises did you walk down down a hallway to a room?"

Red's mouth appeared to drop open but no words came out. He seemed to be dumbfounded, but eventually he came around answering all of Pellicano's questions in great detail.

" Describe the room where you wrestled and had sex with Cruise. Were there pictures on the wall? Were the windows curtained or did they have shutters? Were they draped? Describe the paintings you saw on the wall."

After an hour, Red became so petrified, he began looking away and stuttered when he spoke. I thought Pellicano would cause him to either crack or shit his pants. Strange as it may seem, however, Red survived Pellicano's brutal questioning.

Anthony later pulled me aside and said, "I think this kid's telling the truth. I find him to be credible."

Brad Pitt is, at least TALLER

2006-09-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

Brad Pitt is reportedly being lined up to replace Tom Cruise in 'Mission: Impossible IV'.

Tom was recently dropped by Paramount Studios dropped because of his "unacceptable conduct" in public and the lacklustre box office takings of the third film in the franchise.

Now it seems bosses are set to turn to Brad to rescue the ailing franchise.

One industry insider told Britain's London Light newspaper: "'Mission: Impossible IV' will not include Tom's character, agent Ethan Hunt.

"They're considering a brief mention, saying Hunt retired to live a safe life with his new wife.

"They're set on Brad taking over as a gutsy new head operative who puts together his own unique team of specialists."

Yes, Fugly, That's Our Baby

2006-09-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

TOM: Kate, what do you think of my hair?

KATIE: It's amazing.

TOM: I set the Flowbie to stun. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. No, seriously, I actually just set it to "long." You don't think I look like a boy-bander? I think I look like a boy-bander. A little bit. A little boy-bandy.

KATIE: You look amazing.

TOM: What about my suit? Do you like my suit? Is my suit too movie-premiere-y for a soccer game?

KATIE: Your suit is amazing. Everyone wears Gucci to their child's soccer game. Gucci is amazing.

TOM: Are you being sarcastic?

KATIE: I haven't been sarcastic in 18 months. My head hurts too much.

TOM: Have some vitamins!

KATIE: Uh-huh.

TOM: WHAT'S THAT?

KATIE: Vitamins are amazing. Scientology rocks.

Wedding Bells, or Hells Bells?

2006-09-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

The "Batman Begins" star gave birth to fiance Tom's daughter Suri in April and the pair planned to tie the knot this autumn. However, Katie allegedly told a visitor to the isolated Colorado retreat where she has been staying with Suri and Tom's family that she is unsure about making a "commitment" to the "Top Gun" actor. According to Britain's Sunday Mirror newspaper, she told the visitor: "I don't have my own life any more. I'm not comfortable." A source added: "The wedding dress is bought. Tom's two adopted kids from his marriage to Nicole Kidman will be there, but just where and when is up in the air." Katie is nervous about making a commitment to Tom and the early excitement of their love affair has worn off." Katie is apparently worried that being Tom's partner and the mother of his child has got in the way of her own film career. The actor is said to have any film scripts his fiancee is considering read by advisors from the Church of Scientology - of which he is a prominent member - for their approval. Despite Katie's apparent concerns, Tom, 44, has told family and friends to be "prepared and ready" for a wedding any time soon. The nuptials are reportedly set to take place either at the Scientology Celebrity Center, in Los Angeles or at their home.

any they say dreams don't come true! ha ha!!!! now, Quick Katie: Grab Suri and run to her REAL Baby daddy!

Wedding Bells?

2006-09-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Are Tom Cruise's seemingly frigid tootsies finally warming to the idea of taking Katie Holmes in sickness and in health, in E-meters and image makeovers, until death -- or Xenu's return -- do they part? Word is the PR-battered actor plans to promote the onetime starlet from baby mama to the third Mrs. Cruise sooner rather than later.

"Wedding is days away!" Us Weekly declares of hirsute Suri's smile-happy parents' plans to make things permanent. "Katie and her mom take charge of last-minute details as the date is finally set."

The cover story, which is a little light on specifics for the "closely under wraps" nuptials, comes just days after the release of their much-scrutinized Vanity Fair snaps and accompanying rhapsodic profile.

It also comes 15 long months after Cruise clamped a 5-carat diamond ring on Holmes' finger, an Eiffel Tower-set proposal that was made a mere two months after their red carpet campaign of schmoopiness debuted in Rome.

"All I really know is that the wedding is soon!" Katie's pal, Rock & Republic muckity-muck Andrea Bernholtz, tells the magazine. "They will surprise all of us."

Chimes in another confidante of the conspiracy theory-surrounded couple, "It's going to definitely happen in the next three to six weeks."

And it's Holmes, 27, who is often seen being dragged along by her take-charge fiancé or clinging to his back baby possum-style, who is calling all the vow-swap shots, with some help from her mother, says Us.

"He'll just show up!" says a source. "He really wants this to be about Katie having her dream wedding day."

That fits with what the actress told Cosmo back in 2004, when she was still engaged to Chris Klein: "The woman should be in charge, definitely. You want the wedding to actually happen."

Holmes is expected to wear Giorgio Armani to what a source predicts will be a "simple and elegant" -- and no doubt "amazing" and "magnificent" -- affair. No word on a location (odds are on Los Angeles), but Suri, along with Connor, 11, and Isabella, 13, Cruise's kids with Nicole Kidman, are expected to participate.

"The wedding is still in the planning stages," the newly shaggy banged actor's rep tells the mag. "They're really excited about it. They have always said they will be married by the early fall, and they are still in that window. They can't wait."

Also in "that window," as some suspicious types have pointed out (hey, don't look at us), is the DVD release of the underperforming "Mission: Impossible III," which hits shelves Oct. 30.

Cruise first enthused of the pair's "big big plans" to get hitched almost a year ago, telling "Entertainment Tonight" that it would be a chance for Holmes to get in touch with her inner Da Vinci.

"The thing that I love about Kate is that she's an artist, so she actually loves ribbons and she makes cards and creates art," he gushed. "She loves flowers, and she'll do her own floral arrangements. So it's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be a celebration."

As for the ceremony itself, speculation is it will be steeped in Scientology, including a possible exchange of rings stamped with a triangular L. Ron Hubbard-approved symbol and a post-"I do" walk across a small bridge, which reportedly serves as a metaphor for the church's path to "total freedom."

According to the New York Post, the service could also include this invocation: "Rejoice you line of struggling life from eons gone, for here again, your track is sped and winged into a future fate by this, the union of a man and woman, crossing this bridge, whose child shall pace a future span."

Speaking of religion, Stephen Baldwin has a message for Cruise: Let's do lunch, with a little scripture on the side.

"On the Hollywood list of people I pray for often, Tom Cruise is probably No. 1," the born-again "Bio-Dome" D-lister tells Radar. "All I have to say to Tom is, God bless ya, I hope you're having fun. But I'd love through Radar magazine to throw a gauntlet down to Mr. Cruise. I'd love to break bread with him and pray with him, and I'd love for the Holy Spirit of God to reveal the truth to him. That would be an awesome thing."

Baldwin, who describes himself as one of the "new breed of Christians" who "are gettin' ready to kick ass in the name of the Kingdom," then beseeches, "Seriously though, can you put us together? Can we get a little sushi together? I'd like to give him a spicy Jesus roll."

Celebrity Babies v. Animal Babies

2006-09-18T22:23:00.002-07:00

If they wanted to stay home and take care of their family, then how come they were out alone every other day. That's not staying at home with the "baby".

Tom Cruise Versus Batman

2006-09-18T22:23:00.001-07:00

He's too short to play me in a movie.

The First Baby Suri Doll

2006-09-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

"Kind of looks like an Asian Tom Cruise."

Brooke Sheilds is a drug addicts

I mean no harm to your planet

I was conceived in a laboratory

Quick! Mommy's escaping!

Naptime! Daddy. Put on Days of Thunder.

The black kid keeps stealing my toys.

If you think my birth was silent, you should have heard the conception.

A Video Of Suri Pictures

2006-09-18T22:22:00.001-07:00

"I witnessed it, I was there, I saw it all."

A very normal baby.

"Those are mountains Tom climbed with his family"

WTF

Dakota Fanning Is A True Lady

2006-09-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you Peng for opening my eyes about this.

WORLD FIRST: MOBY STOPS SUCKING

2006-09-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

Musician Moby has spoken out against Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for using their baby for publicity. "Are you kidding me?" Moby wrote on his blog after the Suri Cruise pictures hit the newsstands in Vanity Fair last week. "Putting your f***ing child on the cover of Vanity Fair? Are they out of their minds? Using a child as a PR prop? Argh. In the grand scheme of things fame pales in comparison to family and child-rearing. I don't know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, but I really cannot for a second fathom the mindset of parents who would sell pictures of their children and use their children to get better press coverage... I'm sorry, I try not to be too judgmental, but it's gross."

No, Seriously

2006-09-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

I go on vacation. Once a year. Of course. Of COURSE. They break out with the pictures while I'm on vacation.

So, I bet you've seen them and heard all sorts of commentary and crap about how she looks asian and is wearing a wig and totally looks like Katie (and chris klien?).

But, just in case you live under a rock, here are the pictures.

I feel like I've let everyone down. Sorry.

The Prison Art of katie Holmes

2006-08-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Heat Wave?

2006-08-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, we've been having another heatwave in Cali. Not as bad as the last, but in the hundreds in the valley.

So, tell me, why oh why was Katie Holmes wearing TWEED?

Crazy. That's why.

Paramount to Hire Fanning

2006-08-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

Word of Paramount dumping Cruise could have far-reaching implications.

They should give recently available monies to Dakota Fanning and let her make her own movies. Said movies will be titled "Movies Where I Scream Lots," "Movies Where I am Far Wiser Than The Adults," and "Movies Where I am In Danger," and "Movies Where I Befriend Retarded People and/or Animals." Occasionally, movies will be THE SAME MOVIE.

BYE-BYE, Nutty Buddy! The Beginning of the End of Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise?

2006-08-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

Paramount cuts ties with Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise
Chairman says Cruise’s ‘recent conduct has not been acceptable ’

• Paramount cans Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise
Aug. 22: Paramount Pictures ends it's 14-year relationship with Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise sighting his craziness. MSNBC's Rita Cosby gets the latest on this story from Tom O'Neil of In Touch Weekly and Courtney Hazlett from OK! magazine.

Scarborough_Country
MSNBC TV

NEW YORK - It’s Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise vs. Sumner Redstone in a case of you’re fired-I quit at Hollywood’s highest level.

On one side is the chairman of Viacom, Inc., which owns Paramount Pictures.

On the other is the industry’s biggest and most bankable star, whose last seven films have each generated over $100 million.
Story continues below ↓ advertisement

Redstone said Tuesday that Paramount would sever its long and profitable relationship with Cruise/Wagner Productions, Cruise’s company with producing partner Paula Wagner. Redstone told the Wall Street Journal that Cruise’s “recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.”

But Wagner told The Associated Press that agents for Cruise/Wagner Productions stopped negotiating with Paramount over a week ago and since secured independent financing, effectively taking any contract-renewal deal off the table.

“For some reason, Paramount has chosen to negotiate in the press,” Wagner said, calling Redstone’s announcement “surprising.”

“It’s not really the most businesslike approach,” she said. “We’ve had virtually no dealings with Mr. Redstone.”

Paramount referred all calls on the matter to Viacom. Viacom spokesman Carl Folta had no comment late Tuesday.

“As much as we like him personally,” Redstone is quoted as saying, “we thought it was wrong to renew his deal.” He then cited Cruise’s “recent conduct” as the reason.

In the past year or so, Cruise couch-hopped on Oprah Winfrey’s talk show while proclaiming his love for Katie "I'm as virginial as Britney Spears was when she was feigning innocence" Holmes, criticized the use of antidepressants and claimed that postpartum depression doesn’t exist. He also got into an angry exchange with Matt Lauer on the “Today” show while defending his opinions.

MESSAGE BOARD: HAVE YOUR SAY

What do you think about Paramount dumping Cruise?

Cruise/Wagner Productions has been based on the Paramount lot since 1992.

“We viewed ourselves as partners with Paramount,” Wagner said, adding that the collaboration has produced $2.5 billion worth of business.

With “War of the Worlds” and “Mission: Impossible 3,” Cruise helped earn nearly $1 billion for Paramount this year alone, Wagner said. Cruise/Wagner Productions brought “M:I3” director J.J. Abrams to the studio, she said, which recently inked a five-year arrangement with Abrams.

She and Cruise had been considering independent financing for their company “for a long time,” she said.

“For us, this is a very new and exciting direction. We look forward to working with all the studios.”

SUPER TOM -- not.

2006-08-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

CALL us cynical, but is Tom Cruise really as heroic as his handlers like to claim?
The wacky superstar and fiancée Katie Holmes were widely reported to have pulled over when they saw an accident on L.A.'s 101 freeway last Saturday, and waited with motorist Jon Henningsen and his wife until police arrived at the scene.

But that was hardly the first time that Cruise has supposedly come to the rescue of some lucky civilian. According to various press reports over the years:

* In 2003, while filming "The Last Samurai" in New Zealand, Cruise supposedly helped a local family change a flat tire on a country road and assisted a young girl in catching her runaway horse. He also donated $3,800 to a local school that needed a "sun shelter."

* In 1998, Cruise rushed to the defense of a woman being mugged on a London street and stopped thieves from making off with more than $150,000 in jewelry.

* In 1996, he summoned an ambulance to help an aspiring actress who was the victim of a hit-and-run, then paid her $7,000 emergency room bill.

* While he and then-wife Nicole Kidman were vacationing on a 210-foot yacht in Capri in 1993, they were reported to have come to the aid of a family whose yacht had caught on fire. Cruise and Kidman allegedly rescued the family from their life raft and took them aboard their luxury yacht until help arrived.

* That same year, Cruise was said to have pulled two young boys to safety after they were almost crushed in a mob of out-of-control fans at the London premiere of "Mission: Impossible."

Cruise's representative, Paul Bloch - who took the reins from his publi-sister, LeeAnn Devett, several months ago - told Page Six: "I don't know about the rest of them, but the one on Saturday night actually happened. The others happened before I represented him."

Pat Kingsley, who represented the superstar for much of his career, up until two years ago, said, "I have made it a policy not to talk about [Cruise]."

pagesix.com

Penelop---WHAT?

2006-08-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

Hey, look, Penelope Cruz lost all her fashion sense:

Oh, no wait, that's Queen of Fug Katie Holmes, ditching her 4 month old "baby" with randomly scientology handlers, as usual so she can go frolicking about, jetsetting.

Has she spent *any* time with that damn ~~pillow~~ baby?

CooCoo for TommyPuffs

2006-08-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

Kate Holmes made a rare public appearance on Sunday at an In Style magazine girls-only party held at the home of a Hollywood producer.

"Katie looked dead in the eyes," one partygoer tells PerezHilton.com exclusively. "She was not the same person she was before she met Tom."

The soiree was a gathering of some of the industry's most influential women, and there was a strict rule along with the invite. "You weren't allowed to bring a guest with you," another partygoer tells us. "However, Katie brought a guest. One of her Scientology 'handlers.' She was the only one that didn't come alone. Katie's minder kept a watchful eye and a close distance at all times. It was so creepy! You couldn't really talk to her honestly and openly. Whenever Katie would leave the room, all the girls would talk amongst themselves about how strange she seemed and how bizarre the whole situation was."

Does anyone else think this whole thing is a little Rosemary's Baby-esque???

Tom Went Homo For Joe

2006-08-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

The late Yankee slugger Joe DiMaggio was once stalked by Tom Cruise.

"He'd show up at baseball-signing shows and wait for Joe to come out," says the source.

"One time, he waited outside a restaurant for him for three hours. [DiMaggio] called him 'a short little guy.' He didn't like it. He felt like he was stalking him."

Cruise's spokesman didn't respond by deadline. And in fairness to Cruise, who J.J. Abrams said would come to his house alone on his motorcycle at midnight to convince him to direct "Mission: Impossible III," the actor could have been pursuing DiMaggio to try getting the rights to his story. But Joltin' Joe, who died in 1999 at 84, felt there was madness in his method.

"Joe said to me, 'This guy is following me around everywhere I go,'" says our spy. "'Next time, I'm going to call the cops.'"

http://www.hollywoodrag.com/index.php?/weblog/comments/tom_cruise_stalked_joe_dimaggio/

Does The Pope Shirt In The Wood?

2006-08-14T14:20:00.000-07:00

CR-Shirts, home of the famous "Cult For The Stars" shirt:

has a few other appropriate shirts for Katie, Suri, and Tom.

For Katie:

For Tom:
Just because you have a "baby" doesn't mean you can't fly all over the world all the time without a baby in sight!

For Suri:

All shirts are available here.

Another "Siting"

2006-08-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

Notice how all descriptions of "Suri Cruise" say the exact same thing:

1. She's a beautiful baby.
2. She has a head full of black hair (who the fuck talks like that?)
3. She looks like Tom & Katie.

They all use virtually the same phrasing. Isn't that something?

Also, "She had no deformities that I could see!" or, totally normal, not ugly baby!

Curiouser and curiouser.

SURI CRUISE PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Or, a delicious ham.

Mmmmmm. Looks like an Easter Ham to me.

*winkwink*

Chicken Bone Girl "Meets" Delicious Baby

2006-08-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing Posh Spice refuses to eat anything other than hydrogen atoms and pubic hair, because she met the deliciously scrumptious "Baby Suri," who survived fully intact. Reports claim that, as soon as Death Face Posh entered the room, Suri screamed until she was silenced by ~~her twin brother~~ a pillow, because children are seen and feasted upon, not heard.

"Apparently they can't take any photographic equipment, they're banned from touching Suri and they're not allowed to do any baby-talk around her."

SO many things to say...

My Thoughts Exactly

2006-08-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise Is A BlockHead

2006-08-09T13:48:00.000-07:00

A Note From Our Office

2006-08-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

If you vote for me in the Bad Boss Contest, I promise to use my free vacation to stalk TomKat and throw pieces of dead rabbit at them whenever they emerge in public.

So, please go here and click on the red "vote" box on the top right. That's all I ask of you.

And keep fighting the good fight.

Vanity Fair Plans To SHOW US THE BABY

2006-08-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

A report in Page Six this morning goes as follows: 'Suri Cruise's days of being a mys tery baby some be lieve doesn't really exist are about up. Sources say Vanity Fair has landed the first photos of the care fully guarded tot spawned by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes last April. The pictures were taken by celebrity snapper Annie Leibovitz and will be published this fall, spies say. Both Vanity Fair and Cruise's reps had no comment.'

Only the couple's closest family members and a handful of celebrities have been introduced to Suri.

'Matrix' actress Jada Pinkett Smith - who is a member of the Church of Scientology like Tom - recently revealed she has visited "gorgeous" Suri twice and says she takes after her Hollywood star dad.

'Kings of Queens' actress Leah Remini - another Scientologist - also said she had seen the "beautiful" tot and described Tom and his fiancée Katie as "great parents".

======================

If a photo exists, it will be leaked. If there's no leak? Stock baby footage.

"Shortly"

2006-08-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Suri Cruise: The Loch Ness Monster of babydom
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are releasing pics of their daughter “shortly,” a spokesman insists.

The whereabouts of baby Suri has become so hotly debated that some wags are calling Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ child the Loch Ness Monster of the celeb world: some are claiming to have seen her, while others insist she's just a myth.

One rumor is that protective pop Top Gun is reluctant to trot out the child because he’s worried about kidnapping threats. His spokesman denies that buzz — and even denies that Cruise is “reluctant” to show Suri.

“He hasn’t been reluctant,” spokesman Arnold Robinson tells the Scoop. “They will be making a decision to release the photographs [of Suri] shortly.” Will the pics be released to a single or few media outlets, or will it be a general release? “That’s part of the decision they’ll be making shortly,” he said.
(from here)

Worldwide Premiere of the First Video of Suri Holmes-Cruise

2006-08-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

Straight from MSNBC's Keith Olbermann!!

Oh, wait.

From Trent:

Click HERE to see the not-at-all-funny video footage for yourself. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised at all if they had shown "actual footage of Suri" because it's been so long since the "baby" was "born" that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes could pretty much pass off any baby they may have procured on the sly as their own. I fully expect that we will see Suri Holmes-Cruise at some point (maybe very soon) but I don't think I'll ever believe she was borne naturally from the loins of TomKat.

As usual, I totally agree with Trent on this one.

Something Is Going Down (Not In A Gay Way)

2006-08-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

(totally stolen all the way from trent)
Walter seems to believe that this shindig might be little Suri Holmes-Cruise's coming out party but other celeb watchers tend to believe that the Scientologists are getting ready to throw the a wedding ceremony for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (if Katie ever had a chance to run for her life she better take it now). Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if these fine folks were getting ready to greet the Mothership ... perhaps it is on its way from planet XELNOR with instructions from lord XENU to drop off little Suri so that we can all finally get a good look at her. The only way I'd believe Tom Cruise fathered a child would be if I saw it come off the spaceship with my own eyes ... and even then, you know it'd be an adoption. Whatever the case may be, something is about to go down amongst the Scientologists ... and so we wait.

from here.

The Un-Funny Truth About Scientology

2006-08-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Here

Warning: There are some graphic images (police photos), and I'm kind of at a loss of how to make fun of it. It actually is unfunny. But interesting. And, well, disturbing.

(fixed)

$100,000 Prize For Proof Of Suri

2006-08-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

here

Where is Suri Cruise-Holmes (or is it Holmes-Cruise?)? We want to know.

We are giving away $100,000 to anyone who can prove, once and for all, the existence of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ child, Suri. There’s a lot of hype around this M.I.A. celebrity baby, including the just-released birth certificate, but no one has laid eyes on her yet!

So, we are giving $100,000 to anyone who can give us the first, exclusive, original, clear video of baby Suri with her mom or dad! Professional papparazzis, photojournalists and YOU now have the same chance of making the big bucks (and getting massive exposure) through Break.com.

So grab your camera and start shooting. But, do it legally and safely. We at break.com do not solicit nor do we condone illegal or dangerous acts under any circumstances. We urge all participants in this contest to obey all laws and to avoid harm to anyone, whether to themselves, Mr. Cruise, Ms. Holmes, their child, or anyone around them.

For Urine Joyment

2006-07-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

Suri "Anagram" Cruise

2006-07-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

Proof that she's the next L.Ron:

"I, SIR,CURE US"

Tom is a perv:

"SMUT, HEARTACHE, RIM, OOPS"
"TOM HOPS HIS RECTUM AREA"

If The "Baby" Looked Like That, I'd Lock It In The Basement, Too

2006-07-20T16:28:00.000-07:00

Build Your Own Baby Suri

Simply use your mouse to drag and drop Tom or Katie's nose, mouth, or eyes to the baby in the center of the photo below and you can make a mock-up of what you think Suri might look like. Does she have Katie's eyes or Tom's determined chin? It's up to you to decide. Have fun!

Cruise Turns Sexual Fantasy Into Movie?

2006-07-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

Cute-as-a-button child star Dakota Fanning, who turned 12 in February, is venturing into sexually disturbing territory in a movie being filmed in North Carolina.

The screenplay for "Hounddog" - a dark story of abuse, violence and Elvis Presley adulation in the rural South, written and directed by Deborah Kampmeier - calls for Fanning's character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in "underpants" in several other horrifying moments.

Katie Takes It In The Butt

2006-07-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, not really, but this just in from X17:

Might there be trouble in TomKatland? X17 reports Katie Holmes staged a revolt and stormed out of their home in Beverly Hills yesterday after she was ordered to hire two Scientology-trained nannies by her master Tom Cruise.

'And some other weird things: she hasn't been seen with her usual assistant (aka Scientology Sea Org) for weeks and for the last week she was in Telluride (when we were keeping an eye on her), we caught not even a glimpse of Tom. Yeah, he was in Chicago over the weekend, but where was he before that and where is he now? Doesn't he maybe feel like hanging out with his wife and baby sometimes?'

Has Katie finally awaken from the Scientology haze she's been under for the last year? Is she seeking retail therapy as a means of escape? Stay tuned....

nah, she always shops when her pictures need to be taken by the public.

"Someone" "Saw" "Suri"

2006-07-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Leah Remini, who stars in the CBS comedy "King Of Queens," says she's seen Suri Cruise, the 3-month-old baby of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

Entertainment Tonight reports that the actress said in an interview in the upcoming issue of Us Weekly that she visited the baby several weeks ago.

"She's a newborn and normal size!" Remini said.

Like Tom Cruise, Remini is a member of the Church of Scientology.

Even though they had a very public courtship, Cruise and Holmes have not presented their baby in public and so far haven't inked a deal with a magazine for exclusive photos of the baby.

Conspiracy theories abound in the tabloid press and on blogs about why baby Suri hasn't been seen. Some even speculate that the baby doesn't exist at all, while others point out that Tom Cruise also kept his two adopted children, Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11, out of the public eye when they were little.

As for Suri, a family friend described the baby as "a cross between the two – [with] dark, straight hair and dark eyes."

"She's a newborn and normal size!"

What. The. Eff?

That, in and of itself, should be enough to tell you this story is fake. Who the HELL says that?

Thick, Dark.....LIES

2006-07-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

So, regarding that "first suri picture ever!!!!!!!" we showed you below? One of my faithful readers pointed out:

"where's all that glorious, dark, thick hair suri (oops) supposedly has? inquiring minds....riiiiiight."

That's an excellent point.

Very excellent indeed. The head does look remarkably plastic.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

FIRST PICTURE OF SURI HOLMES????????

2006-07-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

I think trent at Pink Is The New Blog put is best when he said:
And just like the whole TomKat phenomenon this picture looks FAKE AS HELL! I've seen photos of Big Foot that look more credible than this picture looks. I can't even begin to point out all the things wrong with this photo ... Katie looks like she's been Photoshopped out of another picture (if it's even her, it's not even a good picture of her) and the "baby" looks like a small sack of potatoes. Fake! Fake! Fake!

A Girl Can Dream....

2006-07-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

Marty and Doc Save The World From Scientology.

Not Gay You Say? No Way!

2006-07-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

According to Man Law, men are only allowed to hug if their penises are as far away from each other as possible. Well, straight men at least.

To further add question to Cruise's sexual preference, check out his style of hugging, as pictured on 7/15/06:

This is in clear violation of Straight Man's Law 17-4A.

As though we needed more proof that the only vagina Tom touched was when he slithered out of the womb.

Amazingly...Repetative

2006-07-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

US Magazine reflects on a year of Holme's quotes.

“I’m doing great! I’m so excited!” Katie told Us on April 4, 2006.

“I’m great…Suri’s doing great! She’s back at the house,” Katie said in Telluride, CO, July 10, 2006

“He’s great and at home,” Katie said of Tom, while browsing a Chanel Boutique, May 26, 2005.

“It’s just a great time in my life. I’m really happy,” Tom said on the Today show, June 24, 2005

“It’s amazing. I’m so happy…I feel great…I’m so excited,” Katie said on the Today show, Oct. 21, 2005

“She’s amazing,” Tom said of Katie on The Oprah Winfrey Show, May 23, 2005

“It’s just really amazing…I’m just so happy,” Katie told W magazine, August 2005.

“And I mean, it’s amazing. It is absolutely amazing,” Katie said on The Early Show, June 10, 2005

“It’s an amazing thing,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

“I’m excited! I’m very excited,” Tom said at the Mission: Impossible III premiere on May 3, 2006

“It’s an exciting time in my life,” Tom said on German talk show Wetten, das?, Apr. 1, 2006

“I’m very excited,” Tom said at Yahoo! Headquarters, Apr. 10, 2006

“They’re very happy and excited,” Cruise’s sister Lee Anne Devette told Us, Oct. 2005.

“We’re happy and excited,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

“It’s exciting,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

"Glib" New Battle Cry

2006-07-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

here

Now, I'm all about personal expression. And writting letters to the editor. So, as I started to read the one linked to above, I could see some pretty valid points.

That is, until I came across a single word. Glibly.

Glib.

Where have we heard this word before?

“You’re glib.”

Oh. Right. Thank you, Mr. Cruise.

Aren't most people pulled into Scientology through taking "communication classes"? Wouldn't the point of these classes be to teach people how to speak with ease and fluency?

Isn't that the definition of "glib"? Or, I forgot, there's often the undertone of insincerity, superficiality, or deceitfulness.

Hey, L. Ron? Do all your followers know that OT8 means you can fly and use mind control? Do they know anything about the upper levels? Or is it all about paying to get further up.

I do suggest, L. Ron Glibbard, you take a good look in the dictionary before you pick your neck battle cry.

In India, Scientology Is Raising An Army

2006-07-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

The original article is here.

The Dehli Police are being trained in Scientology as part of their police training. An entire police force in India is being trained in Scientology. The Hubbardites are raising an army people.

Be afraid.

Spead the Word, Not Your Legs

2006-07-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, there seems to have been a lull in Scientology-bashing in the news lately. We can't have this kids. So, grab your favorite shapie, a light colored tshirt, and scrawl out your favorite message.

Or, for the lazies, order a premade shirt online. Remember, it's okay to be a follower if it's funny.

We'll keep you updated as we find more Appropriate shirts to fight the good fight.

Katie Holmes: No Suri In Sight

2006-07-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

Katie was snapped by the weekly during a vacation in Telluride, Colo., strolling down the street with a friend and a cappuccino. Neither fiancé Tom Cruise — nor, significantly, baby Suri — were anywhere to be found.Us, in a three-page spread, says a couple of Telluride locals have reported Suri spottings, including a clerk at a natural-goods store, who said Suri is “funny looking."

Yes, most beach balls are.