Do You Like My Crazy Teeth

I hope everyone remembers their stations, because the long rumoured TomKat wedding seems to be drawing nigh. The dress is her something new, her fiancée Tom Cruise is her something old and Victoria Beckham's look is her something borrowed. What's something blue? All her fans who are crying, Katie, don't do it!

While the 27-year-old Katie was visiting France with random new gal pal, 31-year-old Victoria, she stopped into the Chanel store in Paris for some retail therapy (the only kind of therapy permitted by her belief system, Scientology). When she left, she told Star magazine that Chanel's Karl Lagerfeld was a favourite designer of hers.

"His work is exquisite," she said. "I'm interested in everything Karl produces, including wedding dresses." That bomb just drops out of nowhere! I encourage you to read it again, it's still a shocker.

Now I don't know why she's talking to all these celeb mags, but also during her Parisian girl power party she dropped another hot tip right into Us magazine's mouth. Showing up 40 minutes late for the Yves Saint Laurent fashion show, she told the mag, "I'm picking clothes for my closet. I've already chosen my wedding dress." This girl's chucking scoops like she's delivering the newspaper!

During her jaunt through Paris, Katie underwent a noticeable Posh-ification, dressing in big diva sunglasses, prissy white blouses and puffy skirts. I guess she doesn't have to rely on the Joey Potter wardrobe now that she has access to the Cruise millions.

Now, it's long been reported that Victoria and David Beckham are anxious for a big break in North America, because apparently they're not famous enough here to hock their fragrance line, though I think the reality is that we know who they are, we just don't really care. So how convenient that Victoria and Katie are bringing each other attention on opposite sides of the ocean. It's like they're on a celebrity cultural exchange, though the exchange seems to be more of a What Not To Wear experience from the former Posh Spice to Katie.

As for a wedding date, the World Entertainment News Network has played it safe and circled the month of November as their prediction. So long as we're taking random guesses, I'm feeling like the wedding will happen suspiciously close to the October 30 DVD release of Mission: Impossible III. Right now I'm feeling pretty good about Tom and Katie, but if my prediction comes true, I'm ringing my scam alarm.