Tom Cruise Is Not Gay

Okay, so he played a fairy in Legend. And, he played a fairy in Top Gun. And his Lestat character was totally masculine. He only respected his own cock in Magnolia.

And just because he was in movies titled Cocktail and The Firm, doesn't mean anything!

And his playing a major part in Intimate Portrait: Melissa Etheridge alongside about a million lesbians, well, actually, that's fine. Straight men love lesbians.

And Tom Cruise is so very very straight. He wanted to be a priest. They never have homoerotic news headlines.

Butt really, who cares? I mean, sexual preference is no big deal. Unless you pull the media into this big fanfair over sham relationships because you're afraid of maring you *cough* manly image *uncough*.

If you just came out, we'd stop riding you.

But, if you just came out, Dakota would be safe.

From you.

This post was pretty bad/boring/unfunny. But at least we're self-aware.