Crazy Theory of the Day: Tom Cruise is the Anti-Christ

We recently stumbled across something by LiveJournal user Other, posted in jest, of course:


I have a crazy theory that Tom Cruise is the (current) Anti-Christ.

On March 2, 1946 Jack Parson with the help of an elemental and L. Ron Hubbard performed the Babalon Working. I usually like to tell this story by claiming that it was anal sex magick, but it seems like Parsons jerked off while Hubbard took notes. The purpose of this operation was to bring about the Anti-Christ. It seems unlikely that Jack Parsons was the Anti-Christ, even if that was the intention. Although Parson might have been the father of the American Space Program (Werner von Braun claimed it was Parsons, not himself, who was the true father of the space program) and a co-founder of what would later become the JPL, the true Anti-Christ just might have been someone else. Perhaps the homunculus was not incarnated as the space program.

Not long after the operation, Hubbard defrauded Parsons and ran off with his girlfriend (1947). A few years later, Hubbard published Dianetics (1950). Before this, Hubbard only wrote two pieces of science fiction (1937, 1940). It is possible that it running off with Parson's girlfriend, Hubbard became the Anti-Christ as you need the Scarlet Woman to become the Anti-Christ. Yes, it is quite possible that Hubbard became the Anti-Christ as 1) he was in the operation and 2) was dating the Scarlet Woman. It is not clear if Parsons died (1952) before or after Hubbard became the Anti-Christ. Soon after all this Hubbard founded the Church of Scientology (1953).

Okay, now here is the crazy part. Perhaps, just perhaps, Hubbard transfered his antichristness to Tom Cruise. No one who is not the Anti-Christ would jump up and down on Oprah's couch like that. Tom Cruise must be the Anti-Christ.

Is Katie Holmes the new Scarlet Woman? Or will Tom Cruise's wife-after-Holmes be the new Scarlet Woman? Being the Scarlet Woman is an exhausting role and generally don't last long in that position. This might explain why Cruise has gotten married so many times.

I don't want Dakota to be the Scarlet Woman.
I don't want Dakota to take the vitamins.
Hold me.