Save Dakota Fanning!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Food For Thought:

Dakota hates tomatoes.

"The only way I eat ketchup is to (convince myself) that it doesn't come from tomatoes."

Hm. Kinda like ol' TommyTom and the physical origin of babies, eh?

This aversion to tomatoes may pose a problem for the possible -- but not if we can help it! -- future Mrs. Cruse; Maverick claims to be a bit of an ace in the kitchen (and what good woman isn't, right? am I right?), and the interweb is plastered with his famous Linguine with Zesty Red Clam Sauce.

Part one of the recipe? Tomato sauce. And the ingredient list, if followed exactly, as we know TommyTom would demand, calls for two cups of chopped plum tomatoes. I doubt he'd be willing to substitute ketchup, even for his inteded child-bride. No, Dakota would have to gag her way past skin and seed, the way one might imagine Tommy Boy gagging his way past boobie and hoo-hoo.

Well, I mean, if he were gay. Which he so is not. Obviously.

But wait ... further down the ingredient list ... 30 littleneck clams. Scrubbed. Scrubbed clean of THETAN RESIDUE?! Is Tom a virtual CANNIBAL?! Sure, thirty clams is nothing compared to the massacre of millions that Xenu exacted upon Earth, but ... dude.

It just seems wrong.
Sick and wrong.

PS: Dakota, clams are way grosser than tomatoes. Is this not enough for you? Run. Run fast and strong, little girl. We'll blind and terrorize him with beaver shots as you make for the hills.


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