Writing Up Real Articles Is For Pussies

Tom Pretends Holmes Is First Mother Of His Children. Conner and Bella start cutting.

Tom Allows "Grandparents" Single Supervised Visit, but only if Jesus waits in the other room.

Bella True Scientology Mastermind. That, or she always wanted a sister close to her age.

Katie Holmes Abandons Baby, prefers company of fans. Baby left to cry with stranger/handler.

Ladies Love Cool J, Hate Cruise. Locking up teenage daughters seems like a better and better idea now.