Nice Try, Tom. Like Dakota Has Any Idea Who Jessica Rabbit Is.

V.I. Warshawski gets all undercover Xenu on yo' ass:

Kathleen Turner, an actress known for her low sexy tones, donated voiceover for a soon to be released documentary titled “Answering The Call,” which according to its press kit “reveals the plight of Ground Zero workers and their illnesses.”

But it looks like Ms. Turner may be "answering the call" of Scientology.

The documentary by Lou Angeli was produced and written by diehard Scientologist Bunny Dubin.

[...]

Not mentioned in the film or press kit is that Scientology volunteers were eventually asked to leave Ground Zero, a tragedy they arguably seemed anxious to exploit.

[...]

The documentary press kit states that Ground Zero workers have “found relief through the New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project, a program partially funded by actor, Tom Cruise.”

While at first glance this whole sordid, confusing web may seem a more than a bit random, fans of the beloved deceased "Friends" will remember Ms. Turner's appearance as Chandler’s drag-queen father, Charles Bing -- a.k.a. Helena
Handbasket.

Hm.

Weird.

I mean, I'm sure there's no connection ...

Confidential to DF in Hollywood: Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the call. Don't take the vitamins. And for God's sake, ENJOY your girlness. The boys in the bars with the lipstick and the glitter? They WISH they were you honey. Well, you, only five feet taller with three-inch fake lashes. But STILL.