Save Dakota Fanning!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Scientology Inspired By The Raulians?

Defamer gets all the best gossip.

... three obvious stand-ins/evil clones for Cruise dressed in tuxes and hanging out front as well. Each one stood about 5’6, had spiky black hair, and all sported huge noses. To make things even more creepy they all smiled and cackled EXACTLY like Mr. Xenu (in a deranged, barely hinged manner, for those unfamiliar with his recent behavior). It might be time to start sending out my completely falsified resume because the thought of Tom Cruise building a miniature army from his own DNA right here on the lot is just too unnerving for words.

Ever seen Being John Malkovich? Great movie, I want to dry hump Kaufman, especially after Eternal Sunshine. But I digress; the scene when Malky enters his own body and everyone he sees is also Malky? And it's all, "Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich!" HA! That was weird and dry and hilarious.

But: "Cruise Cruise Cruise!" Not hilarious. Not even a little funny at all.

Imagine. Blinded from the glare of a thousand unnaturally white, unnaturally gummy grins. Everywhere you go, fingers stabbing your chest: "You're GLIB! You're GLIB!" Couches across the globe cower and shudder in fear of unprovoked violence.

This has gone beyond saving Dakota.
This is about saving the WORLD.


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