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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Tom Cruise Loves Tom Cruise, But The People Don't


Tom Cruise has declared war against another innocent victim. After losing previous battles with things like perscription medication and sanity, Cruise has picked an easier target, TomCruise.com.

The domain, registed eight years ago, currently belongs to Jeff Burgar, one of the most famous cyber squatters. Al Gore may have invented the internet, but nobody knows the history of the internet like Tom Cruise knows the history of the internet.

While busy fighting shadows, though (I'm reminded of a long ago carebear movie), the public, victims themselves of countless news articles, punny headlines, and Entertainment Tonight speculation, are retaliating.

It turns out, Cruise is currently only slightly more popular than our monkey president.

A friend of mine long ago has a theory she called The Monkey Theory. Take anything of value, a book, movie, painting. Add a monkey. If the peice of work is betterwith the monkey, it wasn't good art to begin with. The Mona Lisa would not be improved by the presence of a monkey. Neither would Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures. And neither is our government.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right. Being only slightly more popular than the president means you're in pretty bad shape. I mean, Louie Anderson is slightly more popular than the president, and he's friggen Louie Anderson.

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