Save Dakota Fanning!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Excuses, Excuses

Here's another BS reason why we haven't seen "Baby Suri."

If like everyone else you've been wondering what happened to Suri Cruise and why we've never seen a picture of her, here is part of the answer: No one wanted to pay for her.

According to my sources, a photo shoot of Suri was offered to Wire Image, the prestigious agency, for sale to the various celebrity magazines right after the little "Mission: Impossible"/"Dawson's Creek" tyke was born in silence to her unmarried movie star parents Tom Cruise and the dazed-looking Katie Holmes.

An auction was conducted, with People, Us Weekly, Star and the lesser names like In Touch all putting in their two cents.

Unfortunately, it must have felt like two cents to Cruise given the amount that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt fetched from People: $4 million, not to mention more from magazines around the world.

The Cruise auction is said to have produced not more than a $3 million bid. At that point, the offer was rescinded. The mission was termed "impossible." No further word was heard from the Cruise camp.

Exactly who from Cruise's strange inner circle initiated the contact is still unknown, although I am told the enterprise was "official." It's likely that the Church of Scientology would have gotten a cut, too, considering they like to take 10 percent of everything from their celebrity clients.

And now that Suri is almost 3 months old, has her price gone up or down? The answer, says one of the mag's experts, is down.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Cruise And Holmes Consider Real Baby, A BeachBall Baby Goes Flat

Rumor has it, Cruise wants to pretend to like vagina yet again. Supposedly, the couple are ready to go for baby 2, even though we've seen no proof there is, or ever was a baby number one.

Maybe, like the third olsen twin, it will get eaten by baby #2 before the wedding.

I can't wait for more terribly fake bellies and prominant nursing bras.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Pink Is The New Blog Debuts FIRST Pictures Of Baby Suri

Ready To Buy Some Fun Scientology Gear?

If it helps, I'm not the one selling it.

Scientology: Finding gay actors wives since 1978


When this design was brought to life, we put it in a black room for 7 days with no human contact. It was then on the 7th day that it was now pure, med free, and ready to begin its life on!


Scientology 101

John Roecker Is Not Very Gay

But Scientology is!

Bizarrely, Roecker also says that the Elfmans had a young, twenty-something male companion with them whom they continually instructed to move away and cover his ears whenever references to Xenu were made.


Anyway, Jenna Elfman is crazy too. Read About It Here

Pitts Kicks Cruise's Butt.. being a dad, that is.

A new list is showing the top ten celeb dads.

Pitt's only been a dad a few days, and already he's doing a far superior job to Mr. Cruise, who has been seen out and about numerous times since the birth of his daughter, but has never been seen spending any time with her.

Hey, "Cruise," shape up, or ship out, buddy.

Looking For A Job?

Dying Scientologist Seeks Uneducated Kung Fu Apprentice.

Are you willing to look at 100,000 web sites, without benefits? Do have good deeds you are proud of and can document? Think college makes people dumb?

Do we have a job for you!

So, What's The Deal, SaveDakota?

I mean, you haven't updated in, what, almost a week? Are you busy? Is there life outside of SaveDakota?

Well, there's only so much body-guarded trash we can dig through searching for proof that there *is* a baby (still no proof, yet, just the "happy" "couple" trapsing around, carefree, as though there isn't a little bundle of bearded "love" waiting at home).

Still no baby. No signs of a baby. No hint of a baby. No leaks about a baby.

All signs point to No Baby.

Yes, No Baby.

Maybe "Suri" means "We Made It Up" in Hebrew. Maybe a lot of things.

But, it seems as though Cruise is all wrapped up in pretending to be a father (oh, wait, he has two other kids.). Dakota seems to be safe.

Katie? Too tired to run. Poor Katie.

You want a picture?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Tom? Meet Accountability.

Hey Tom. Here is proof that douchy activities lead to accountability. You may think you're getting away with this crazy "OT 8" I can fly and keep my "baby"'s mamma captive stuff, but as the internet shows, eventually, you *will* be held accountable. Will your military boyfriend keep you safe?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

In Honor Of The Date

Proof that the devil does exist.

Cruise's Super Power

(thanks to CelebRel)

Dear Suri,

I'm sorry you don't exist.


Thursday, June 01, 2006

I Call Bunk

Rumor has it, Cruise and Holmes want Katherine McPhee to sing at their wedding. Supposedly, they're big fans.

But, recall a month or so ago when Tom hired goons to vote and vote and vote on some online poll to claim that the media made him look bad (it's certainly not your overblown actions and fake girlfriend, tom)?

Right. So, if he really liked little Katherine Scientologist, she would have won, because he has the money to finally influence people in LA to vote, no?

Plus, she'd just make him look short.