Save Dakota Fanning!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Katie, "One Of Them" Now

(Read Article Here)

Actor Tom Cruise was honoured with a standing ovation for his support financially of the controversial religion Scientology.

According to, Cruise has donated up to $3.6 million and was thanked by British devotees with a special recognition for his services.

Cruise's pregnant fiancee Katie Holmes also attended the service. Both of them were astonished when the members present spontaneously stood up to applaud them. Cruise was also given the Diamond Meritorious Award for spreading Scientology.

A witness said: "It has been an amazing event and it is even more amazing that Tom has brought Katie. It feels really good knowing that she is one of us now."

They have special awards for conversions? How many people do you have to fake relationships with before you get a pink caddie?

Madonna Encourages Turtle Worship

(Read Article Here)

Madonna, who has been slammed over her following of the Kabbalah, insists Cruise is happy as a Scientologist and the public and media should respect his religion.

She tells the New York Daily News, "I find it very strange that it's (Scientology) so disturbing to people. It's not hurting anybody.

"If it makes Tom Cruise happy, I don't care if he prays to turtles. And I don't think anybody else should."

Oh, except the families you abandon, the children you raise with a lack of education, the young adults who aren't allowed to leave, the poor starving actors who funnel money in so they can get work, the independants in Scientology companies who will never progress unless they convert (one of our staff members has a brother who started his own company because of this).

Yeah, no one is getting hurt.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Hypnosis Laws Leniant In Dominican Republic

Read Article Here

After a failed attempt to contract marriage in Cancún, Mexico due to hurricane Wilma, actors Tom Cruise and his fiancée Katie Holmes plan to marry in Dominican Republic. The actor visited the country last year and stayed in the mansion of a friend in Punta Cana.

The famous pair had wanted to formalize their union by marriage in the hotel Ritz Carlton of Cancún, but the damages caused to the building by the hurricane prevented that the ceremony from taking place as planned.

It was reported that the pair of the moment entrusted their representatives to look for a paradisiacal place to say their vows, as the Internet site revealed that Cruise and Holmes have decided to carry it out in Jamaica or Dominican Republic.

Another Last Minute Costume Idea

The Tom Mask!!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Need a Last Minute Costume Idea?

The New York Post suggests: Katie Holmes!

Send them screaming down the street in "The Katie Holmes" - a re-creation of the moment in May when the starlet returned from her whirlwind European courtship with Tom Cruise with curious lesions around her mouth. Compliment your look with L.Ron Hubbard reading material and a cushy couch for convenient spasms of emotion.

Tom Versus The Hurricane

Dear Wilma,

The destruction you caused on the Yucatan coastline completely ruined my picture perfect shotgun wedding to faux pregnant child bride Kate. I was willing to pump money into the economy, thanks to Mexico's leniant stance on hypnosis and coercement into marriage.

Now, it looks like I will have to settle for International Waters, where I can be My OWN GOD. It's a dream of mine. Kate might get seasick, but hey, it will look like morning sickness, and people might still thing I stuck my man meat in her tainted axe wound.

In short, Wilma, don't even try to pull that catty bitch shirt with me, cause I ain't havin' any.

Joe Tom

He Will CRUISE Right Through Your SHEILDS

Dearest Brooke,

We are on to you. We see a pattern. Katie's "pregnant." You couldn't stand to see that funny little man happy, could you? So, out of sheer spite and hatred for all things good and crap, you SPAWNED. AGAIN.

Damn you. Couldn't wait to get your fix again, could you? I bet you're heavily addicted to those post partum depression drugs. We here at the Scientology Drug Treatment and Brainwashing Center can help you. Weeee caaaaan heeeelp youuuuuuuuu. Looook deep into your pockets my eyes.

My Angel Kate will have a drug free birth, will take her vitamins, and will shine and be glorious because chemical imbalances DO NOT EXIST. And if anyone should know about being imbalanced, it's me. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND BABY MAKING. I do.

L. Tom Hubbard

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Change you're name to NOcole

(Read Article Here)

Nicole Kidman is allegedly devastated that ex-husband Tom Cruise is expecting a baby with his fiancie Katie Holmes.

The sexy actress, who has two adopted children from her marriage to the Hollywood heavyweight, is said to be distraught over the fact that her former husband is having a baby - sparking rumours she still has feelings for him.

“Nicole can’t believe it’s happening. It was so sudden she shut down. Obviously she must still have feelings for Tom, she’s been crying and has been really upset,” a close friend of the actress was quoted by Femalefirst, as saying.

The announcement came as a shock to Kidman and she confided in pals she only found out her ex was expecting his first biological child through the news, despite being in regular contact with Tom.

According to pals, the Oscar-winning actress is also worried about the impact the new arrival will have on the couple’s children, Connor and Isabella.

“This baby means Katie Holmes will be in Tom’s life forever Nicole always cherished the special bond adopting gave her and Tom Now he will share that bond with Katie,” the friend added.

Okay, the real reason she's sad? Her contract made her adopt kids, since the turtle is allergic to shelfish, but somehow Holmes got the better contract, getting to molest a turkey baster/wear a fake stomach. "Technical Spawn" is worth more an "adopted spawn."

I hope the adopted kids don't suffer. I feel really sad for them.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Countdown? Cruise Don't Need No Stinkin' Countdown!

That's a lot of time to kill

Could Tom And Katie's Love Exist In A Vaccuum?

No, but it probably existed in a test tube.

The most recent issue of the National Enquirer raises the question of a test tube baby.

We here at SaveDakota still firmly belive Katie's strapping on a prosthetic pooch, but if--and that's a big "if"--she actually is carrying a child, and if--that's a far bigger "if"--it is genetically the spawn of Mr. Cruise, then, certainly it's a test tube baby. His scared turtle wouldn't go near any sort of bearded clam. It's alergic to shellfish.


(Read Article Here)
reg. required. try

We know Katie Holmes is a sweet, naive girl from Ohio, but this latest story from the upcoming Star has her leaving naive and crossing the border into stupid.

The paper says Holmes was recently shocked when love-of-her-life Tom Cruise asked her to sign a prenup.

"She's freaked out," the Star source says. "I think she thought it meant that he wasn't sure their relationship would last."

"It certainly doesn't seem odd that Cruise would ask her to sign an agreement to protect his assets. After all, he's twice divorced, wise to the ways of the world and worth an estimated $300 million."

And since he doesn't want her to work while she's mothering his child... Let's a see, a 26-year-old pretty brunette in Hollywood... She's worth one-twelfth of a dime.

The source says that the idea of a prenup had never occurred to Ka-Ka-Ka-Katie.

"She is head over heels in love with him and couldn't bear the thought that he might not be equally as in love," the source said. But Tom didn't become the biggest star in Hollywood by not being fast on his feet.

He told Kiss-Me-Katie that the prenup was for "her protection."

And she bought that?

"He explained that at 43, he's more than 16 years older than she is," said the source, "and although he's healthy, who knows what life has in store?"

Worried that he might die young like his dad, Tom told Katie, "he wanted to create a prenup so that she will always be taken care of, no matter what."

Tattle's no divorce lawyer, but we're guessing she would be taken care of just fine if Tom made her and little TomKat the main beneficiaries in his will.

Shouldn't she be used to signing financial agreements with him by now. Odds are, there's something in the prenup where "if" they "break up," she's not allowed to talk about him and his vagina hating penis.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Awww, crap. I forgot to put my stomach on.

more pictures

Monday, October 24, 2005

Everyone Loves Dakota

Even Defamer

Dakota, to quote Our Lady Peace, know that I've loved you all along.

Just not as much as Tom Cruise does.

Is It Too Late?

Thank you You made our morning.

Show Me The Belly!!

(Read Article Here)

"Tom wants them to do the cover as a couple, with Katie revealing her pregnant bump in a sexy, but classy nude pose."

You know, we want this, too. Because, yeah, we're not convinced your outie bump and lopsided boobs are real. You've got one big boob (for a finacee), and one significantly smaller boob (limpdickssaywhat?).

So, yes Katie, show us the Belly. Instead of crying in your room that the meanie people on the internet hate you so much, PROVE US WRONG.

Or, can you?

Saturday, October 22, 2005

What do Katie Holmes and Tom Green Have In Common?

They each have one nut.

(Read Article Here)

Tom Cruise's popularity has dropped significantly in the last few months, according to the latest Genius StarPower report. By all measures, the plunge (among 13 to 49 year-olds) is steep for a celebrity of his magnitude:

* his StarPower ranking plummeted from 12th to 50th
* he went from the 11th most liked celebrity to the 197th
* his fan base (those who like or like him a lot) shrank from 33% to 25%
* he ranks among the top 5 most controversial actors (those who are heavily disliked and liked), along with David Spade, Tom Green, Pauly Shore and Ashton Kutcher.

Okay, I love David Spade, against my better judgement. But Ashton Kutcher is a douchebag, and deserves Tom's plummeting list(from A to D?)iness.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Tom Cruise Is A Nazi

(Read Article Here)

Tom Cruise is said to be fuming after learning controversial biographer Andrew Morton is writing a book on him. Morton, famous for his biographies on the late Princess Diana, Madonna and Monica Lewinsky, has started researching the actor's life story and is reportedly hoping to release the unauthorised book late next year.

The writer has already been spotted at a Los Angeles restaurant chatting with a former associate of Cruise - who is expecting his first child with fiancée Katie Holmes - private detective Paul Barresi. In 2002, Barresi was responsible for discrediting claims made by a porn actor that he and Cruise had sex together.

According to reports, Morton was also spotted chatting to attorney Graham Berry who previously represented a psychiatrist involved in a libel suit against the Church of Scientology in 1991. Berry has refused to reveal what the pair discussed, but is quoted in America's New York Daily News newspaper as saying: "Cruise can be compared to Charles Lindbergh and his support of Nazi Germany." Cruise's publicist and sister, Lee Anne De Vette, has so far refused to comment on the proposed biography.

Apparently, she's excited

(Read Article Here)

So, beyond her shaking her head "no" during the entire interview (I think I ALMOST saw her mouth the words "save me" at one point), she seemed very...excited.

On the baby: "We're so excited."

On having the "story book" romance: "I know. I'm beaming and I'm just so excited."

On preparing for the baby: "We're getting [the nursery] together and I'm learning how to knit."

On planning their upcoming wedding: "We don't have a date just yet, but there is so much excitement going on. It's just amazing!"

On how Tom feels about their upcoming nuptials: "He's thrilled."

She's so...articulate?


Like She Needs A Publicist At This Point

(Read Article Here)

Though recent reports had Cruise’s publisister, Lee Anne DeVette, representing the knocked-up naif, an assistant at DeVette’s office swears the beleaguered flack has nothing to do with Holmes’s PR. But a source close to the former Dawson’s Creek-er confirms “Lee Anne has been secretly handling Katie for months. They just won’t publicly admit it.”

“Tom doesn’t want Katie doing her own publicity,” the source continued. “He expects all her photo shoots and interviews to be joint ventures that include him. He loves the attention. When The Last Samurai came out, Tom was literally begging to get magazine covers and no one wanted him because he’s too old and he didn’t sell. Since the affair with Katie, he’s gotten multiple covers from People and Us and he’s talking about doing covers for Vanity Fair, Vogue, Good Housekeeping, Redbook and Elle to promote MI3.”

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Access Hollywood Interview

Did you notice, in the access Hollywood interview with Katie, she was shaking her head back and forth (as in "no") the entire interview?


Want To See Katie Holmes Lie?

She'll be on Access Hollywood tonight talking about her "pregnancy."

Pay attention to how often she blinks.

$1.5 Million could buy you the ENTIRE CITY

(Read Article Here)

Tom Cruise has bought a new pad in Ohio so that his pregnant fiancée, Katie Holmes will be able to be closer to her family.

The £850,000 three storey mansion in Toledo is smack bang in suburbia and is extremely close to the home of Katie Holmes parents.

Considering that for 100 grand you can buy a roomy 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, Cruise must be the proud owner of a 45 bedroom house. Katie will get so lost, she'll never leave.

Poor girl.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Due Date Of the "Baby": Jan 24.

Why? It's the 20th anniversary of Hubbard's death.


Just a thought.

Gay Movies

(From Here)

Magnolia (1999)
Gay Role: Frank T.J. Mackey

The Gay Plot: There are several plots intertwined in this freaky movie, but there's only one plotline we were interested in following: Cruise's plotline. In Magnolia, he plays a motivational speaker, only his motivational speaker doesn't lecture on how to succeed in business, he lectures on how to treat women like crap. It's obvious he has a beef with the ladies.

Gay Tendencies: It's obvious, isn't it? Cruise is so deep in the closet, he's a raving lunatic homophobe. He also wears faggy leather vests and sports the kind of ponytail that even normal gay guys call femme.

His Memorable Gay Dialogue: "Respect the cock!"

Big-Ass Ham Says: "This was one film where Tom Cruise really made me nervous-like his character would have butt sex with me and then fag-bash me and leave me for dead. I personally know a lot of gay guy friends who got off on this Cruise character, but he seemed too much of a gay basher for my taste."

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Gay Role: Doctor William Hartford

The Gay Plot: Cruise becomes obsessed with having a sexual encounter after his wife (Kidman) admits to having sexual fantasies about another guy she met. She then berates him for dishonesty in not admitting to his own fantasies. This sets him off into unfulfilled encounters with a dead patient's daughter and a hooker. Only a gay guy like Tom Cruise couldn't get laid in a movie like this.

Gay Tendencies: Tom Cruise wanders around New York for a night trying to get laid-and never gets laid! Does that tell you anything?

His Memorable Gay Dialogue: Alice Hartford: "There is something very important we need to do as soon as possible." William Hartford: "What?" Alice Hartford: "Fuck." (Only Tom Cruise has to ask "What?" after a question like that.) Big-Ass Ham Says: "I really have no comment about this one. I was really upset when Tom didn't get nude it in that orgy scene. I felt like asking for my money back at the theater when I saw it."

Interview with the Vampire (1994)
Gay Role: Lestat de Lioncourt

The Gay Plot: In what's easily Cruise's gayest movie ever, Louis (Pitt) loses a recent bride and child and wants nothing more than to end his life. Lestat (Cruise) decides to give him the choice to be a vampire. Louis accepts and begins his descent into the immortal but hellish life of a vampire. Like a gay guy trying to make a straight guy his lover.

Gay Tendencies: Please! You could cut the gay tension with a dull dildo.

His Memorable Gay Dialogue: Lestat de Lioncourt: "No one could resist me, not even you, Louis." Louis de Pointe du Lac (Brad Pitt): "I tried." Lestat de Lioncourt : [ smiling ] "And the more you tried, the more I wanted you." Big-Ass Ham says: "This and Sparticus are two of my more favorite homoerotic movies ever!"

A Few Good Men (1992) Gay Role: Lieutenant Daniel Alistair, Lieutenant Kaffee

The Gay Plot: A Few Good Men, a phrase Cruise has surely said to himself many a night, is another one of those boring, all-too-familiar military court room drama snoozefests. But there are a lot of gay undertones to this one too. Notice all the butch military guys with their rent-boy hairdos and snug uniforms. Watch as the military guys on trial give each other those knowing looks that only the love that dare not speaks its name can produce.

Gay Tendencies: Oddly enough, there aren't many. Cruise does his best ever to act like a heterosexual guy as he yells like a lumberjack at alpha male Jack Nickolson. He didn't fool us though.

His Memorable Gay Dialogue: Lieutenant Kaffee: "Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?"

Big-Ass Ham says: "C'mon, Tom Cruise in a military uniform? It's what flaming gay guys like me have wet dreams about."

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Is He Gay?

Most people either assume he is, or have questioned it. Well, the most recent headline puts the question to bed:

Tom Cruise Helps Design Katie Holmes' Wedding Dress

Never mind the fact that it is extremely bad luck for the groom to see the brides dress before the wedding day, Cruise is taking over the design of the dress.

According to the Sun a friend of the couple’s said: "Tom has a great relationship with Georgio Armani. Most of the clothes you see him and Katie wear come from Armani personally."

"Tom asked Georgio to design the dress especially and he has had Katie in for several fittings.

"It's unusual for the groom to have a say in the dress but he has had a lot of input."

Let's hope it's bad luck for this shorty and his babymamma.

Because hey, we're mean like that.

(Read Article Here)

Monday, October 17, 2005

Katie's Cruise could be a rough ride

(Read Article Here)

When the young Katie sat in her bedroom dreaming about Tom, did her diary entries say anything about converting to Scientology before she married her handsome prince?

Did she fantasise about being accompanied by a chaperone and replacing her friends with his, as friends say she is doing now that she is 26 and he is 43? In her rose-tinted picture, she is unlikely to have imagined the birth of her little Toms, during which her new religion will not allow her to emit even a squeak.

The teenage crush is a universal phenomenon. But when a crush turns to marriage, how far is a besotted lover prepared to go for the object of his or her dreams?

Tom and Katie met in April, were engaged by June and have just announced that they are expecting a baby - despite her vow of celibacy until marriage. Cynics recall that Cruise's first two marriages - to smart, grown-up, successful women - both failed.

They also point out that Holmes has cancelled work so that she can be there to look adoring at his side, that she is younger, more naive and considerably less famous than he is, and also that Cruise has chosen a wife who looks suspiciously like him - only shorter.


"There is a power imbalance in any relationship between students and teachers, doctors and patients, counsellors and clients," says Denise Knowles, a counsellor with Relate. "I wouldn't pour buckets of water over anyone's happiness, but I would ask couples like this to do a forward reality check.

How do you see yourselves in five years? How do you want to be parenting those children?" It is something Katie Holmes might like to think about.

Her parents are said to be "uncomfortable" about her whirlwind romance, members of her Catholic church are concerned about her "embracing" Scientology, and her own fans are up in arms. A new website, has added "Free baby" T-shirts to its range of merchandise that pleads with the actress to dump Tom.

First Tom, Now Kurt

(Read Article Here)

KURT RUSSELL was so impressed with child actress DAKOTA FANNING when he worked with her on their new movie DREAMER he bought her an expensive parting gift - a horse.

Then again, Russell is handsome, and has his hands full with his crazy plastic wife. Plus, I bet Fanning's parents approved of this gift, unlike Tommy-Too-Gay's cell phone.

Too Late, Blimpy

(Read article here)

Hollywood actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided to get married next month on a beach, because Holmes doesn't want to “walk down to the aisle with a bump”.

Katie is worried about showing her tummy at the big event. "She didn't realize she would show quite so quickly and she's been stressed about the whole idea of walking down the aisle with a bump".

You can always remove the padding.


Saturday, October 15, 2005

Not So Blind

(Read Article Here

"Which not-gay actor and his not-a-beard fiancee may not have told the complete story about a recent pregnancy announcement? The not-a-beard actress supposedly got knocked up by someone she met in the UK doing promo not long after meeting her not-gay husband-to-be."


Friday, October 14, 2005

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

Tom and Katie have been "together" for about 6 months
Katie looks about 6 months pregnant.


It's a Nice Day, For A White Wedding

(Read Article Here)

Tom Cruise and knocked up fiancée Katie Holmes are rumoured to be planning a beach wedding in Mexico next month.

The couple will marry at the Ritz-Carlton in Cancun, a hotel they chose months ago before it was revealed that Holmes was pregnant.

According to the Daily Mirror, a ‘source’ said: "Tom's old fashioned. He wants his child to be born in wedlock. He's very romantic and wants everything to be in place before the birth.

He's not man enough to wait until after the fake wedding to knock her up, but now that she's fake pregnant, he's going to make an honest woman out of her. Or something.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Once again, there's a little bit of fact in every rumor

(Read Article Here)

"Tom Cruise just seems to keep getting younger and younger and younger with his choices. We kind of figure that Dakota Fanning is next on his list. She's cute and she's blonde, and we guess that he will want to go back that way again as he has a history with blondes."

We agree.

Little Baby Ugg-ly

(Read Article Here)

In the meantime, friends of the couple's are already picking out gifts and imagining the endless possibilities to come. Cruise's former costar Dakota Fanning, 11, says she sent "little baby Uggs."

The better to run away, my dear.

Fake Baby Vs. Real Money

(Read Article Here)

Katie Holmes has quit her latest film role to concentrate on her pregnancy.

The stunning actress - who last week announced she was pregnant with fiancé Tom Cruise's baby - has pulled out of new movie 'Shame On You', directed by veteran actor Dennis Quaid, to avoid any stress while pregnant, according to America's People magazine Katie's former 'Dawson's Creek' co-star Oliver Hudson, who played Eddie Doling in the teen drama, says he is not surprised the actress is sacrificing her career for her unborn child.

Jennifer Garner clearly isn't a Scientologist. She's also *actually* pregnant.

He stuck his wee wee in her lemonaide hole

(Read Article Here)

Carol Zydorczyk, Holmes's aunt, has declared during an interview for a magazine that Katie remained pregnant thanks to the traditional method. She says: "I can assure you they did it the old fashioned way."

Because she watched?

Or, is a turkey baster considered "natural" these days?


(Read Article Here)

The Church of Scientology has threatened legal action in order to take over ownership of the domain name of a web site which links to the odd behaviour of one of the world's most famous scientologists, Tom Cruise. has apparently received dozens of faxes and emails in under a week from Scientology representatives including lawyer Ava Paquette of Moxon & Kobrin threatening lawsuits of up to US$100,000 if the domain name ownership is not transferred. This type of letter is often called a cease and desist letter.

Tom Inspires Cursing

(Read Article Here)

Chris Klien on Cruise: "...that's Tom. He can do whatever the f--- he wants. Who gives a s---? I mean, we've all felt the need to jump up and down on a couch. Or not!"

We don't give a shit! Yay!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Dad says: YOU ARE EVIL

(Read Article Here)

Holmes' daddy not happy that she's a babymamma.

According to Life & Style magazine, staunchly Catholic dad Martin Holmes is "very upset" about the possible evidence of premarital sex as well as Katie's embrace of fiancé Tom Cruise's faith.

The mag quotes a Cruise friend, who says Martin scolded Katie and then rebuked Cruise, telling him, "You're no good."

Holmes' parents then reportedly insisted the couple marry quickly.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Survey Says:

(Read Article Here) is cutting Tom and Katie off at the pass, laying out odds on what will be announced next.

The baby will be raised to be the head of the Church of Scientology / 999 to 1
Tom and Katie will announce breakup / 22 to 1
The baby will be named “TomKat” / 22 to 1
Tom Cruise is found NOT to be the father / 999 to 1
They will announce the baby’s gender / 1 to 1.25
They will hope Katie does not have postpartum depression / 8 to 1
No other announcements will be made / 1 to 1.10
More than one of the above / 8 to 1

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Dear Katie,

Either, as we've stated before, you sucky-suck at faking it, or the rumors are true, since your belly button doesn't pop out until around week 20.


The Fake Belly

Fake Belly.
Fake Tittie One.

Whoops. Looks like someone forgot to put in Fake Tittie Two.

Tom Cruise's OTHER Baby

(Read Article Here)

It seems that Mr. Cruise's Cruise-ade may have some more fuel for the fire.

Support and advice groups for parents of children with so-called behavioural disorders are being secretly funded by pharmaceutical firms, the article claims.

Critics claim that its use is unnecessary in many instances, as the children are exhibiting natural traits for their age which can be alleviated with dietary measures.


The Eli Lilly spokesman said that the company wanted to help educate people about ADHD, but she conceded that there was a degree of self-interest in it doing so.


Thus far, though, no information has surfaced that the medical claims made by the companies have been falsified. They may be uncooth in who they choose to back financially, but that doesn't mean the product doesn't work.

Just food for thought.

(team prozac shirts can be purchased at

Note to Katie: To Much Padding Too Soon

(Read Article here)

A fellow parent who saw the couple told Britain's Daily Mail newspaper: "She had a very considerable bump, and you could see her belly button through her floaty top. To me she looked more like a girl who was five months pregnant than three.If she does still have six months of her term left to go, she is going to be as big as a house by the time the baby arrives."

Kate, if you're going to pretend to be carrying the spawn of idiot boy, at least do a good job of faking it.


Any news on the front of Devil Baby?


TomKat needs to step it up. One simple announcement isn't enough. We need spottings of Katie buying craving foor, looking queezy, wearing baggy clothing, going to the doctor.


Friday, October 07, 2005

Tom Cruise: The Next Nicolas Cage?

Forget John Travola. Let's look at the facts.

Cruise is way older than Katie.
Cage is way older than Alice.
Cruise has been married twice before.
Cage had been married twice before.
Cruise was engaged two months after "meeting" Katie.
Cage was engaged two months after meeting Alice.
Cruise, supposedly, actually inserted his penis in Katie, as she's pregnant.
Cage's Alice just had a baby, named after Superman.
Cruise is Scientolocult's biggest promoter.
Cage married devout Scientologist Lisa Marie Presley.


I think not.

Katie Cuts Final Tie To Previous Success

(Read Article here)

In short order, since meeting Cruise in April, Holmes has now fired her manager, changed agents and discharged her publicist. All had been her longtime allies.

And let's not forget the broken engagement to actor Chris Klein back in March. That's a lot of activity for seven months.

Where does that leave our Katie? I'm told that Holmes has claimed Cruise's sister, Lee Ann De Vette, as her new publicist.


Since Holmes first became associated with Cruise, her career has come to a standstill. Pretty much the only project she has coming up is the DVD release of "Batman Begins."

Ahhh, the things we do for love. Or money.

But, clearly, we were mistaken in thinking Miss Holmes was in it for Lasting Fame. Halting your entire career? Being Cruise's beard won't have people talking about you 20 years from now.

Tony Danza Got a 1600 On His SATS

(Read Article Here)

Talk show host Tony Danza is far from impressed with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' baby news - because they're having a child out of wedlock.

Oooooooh. Guess what. SCIENTOLOGY AGREES.


Scientology regards the family as the building block of any society and marriage as an essential component of a stable family life.

Hey Katie, the Catholics don't want your sinning ass either. Guess you really are Hollywood trash, now.

L Rob. Clearly (and hopefully) never gave birth

(Read Article Here)

Scientology, it seems, does not allow drugs to be used during child birth. New York Daily News quotes this line from L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics: "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go."

I'd like to see her try.

Electra? HA HA HA

(Read Article Here)

In time honoured fashion, punters have spent the day trying to second guess what Tom Cruise and his fiancée will call their child and at present the consensus is that it will be a boy with names as far fetched as Maverick, Goose and Ethan. Hills are happy to offer 25/1 for any name except Tom, which is at present the 16/1 favourite.

"Our customers love having a small wager on what celebs will call their children, probably as a talking point rather than a genuine desire to make money. Surely Tom would not call his son after Top Gun or Cunard but you never know!" said Hill's spokesman Rupert Adams.

Names wagered on so far!....Cathleen, Cunard, Dawson, Diana, Dylan, Electra, Ethan, Goose, Jerry, Maverick, Meg, Missile, Nicole, Penelope, Ron, Samurai, Xenu.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

a theory

Okay, Jessica and Nick breaking up. Big news. Headline worthy.

Tom: Oh, shit, haven't been in the news, and everyone STILL thinks I'm gay. Okay, Katies, whoops, sorry, I'm supposed to be calling you "kate," you be "pregnant," which will be huge--

Katie: But my church will--

Tom: 5 mill and fame, or rural ohio remembering you're catholic?

Katie: ....

Tom: So, you're pregnant. That should earn us a few months. You "miscarry." Sympathy. You're depressed. Vitamins and scientology help you out. The world loves us.

Katie: ....

Tom: Hey, sis? Call up People.

in case you haven't been paying attention


bad catholic. NO HEAVEN

So, 4+ years with Chris Klien and no "the sex."

A few months with an ancient nut and he's all up in yours?

We here at SaveDakota DEMAND testing of any turkey basters in residence.

We highly doubt Mr. "vagina dentata" Cruise went near Katie's Kitty



DEAR GOD THEY HAS **********THE SEX*************

[eyes fall out into puddle of vomit]

Next stop: Naming the baby Dakota.

Maybe Nicolas Cage will marry her.


Spawn of Stupid

Well, the inevitable Katie Holmes Is Pregnant rumors have started up again.

Well, in the most recent pictures of the two, she has a baggy sweater on. OMFGBBQ SHE'S HIDING A BULGE.

Look at her itty bitty titties, people.

She's not pregnant. She's just been slouching lately, to not appear taller than her master finace. Bad posture = bigger gut. Didn't Seventeen magazine teach you anything?

tomkat not dead

manditory "look, I'm involved in my daughter's life. well, I thought it was kate from behind, but then I realized they just look the same and are the same age. whoops."

thank you Trent.

Not Robbie Williams!

(Read Article Here)

Robbie Williams is smart, kind of hot, and smarmy as fuck. Robbie Williams makes music videos about tearing away a guy's flesh. MTV refuses to air them.

Robbie William may well believe in space aliens. That's fine with me.

But Robbie Williams the Scientologist? I won't stand for it.

I stood idly by when Travolta and Kirstie Alley admited their cultish fault. I poked fun as crazy man Cruise. I didn't even bat an eyelash with rumors of converting Oprah.

But Robbie Williams is COOL.

"I've got pretty much everything in life except for love. I think I need a proper relationship to save me from scientology. Maybe it's because I'm single and alone, but I feel I'm in a spiritual full at the moment," he added.

Sign me up for that class. I will save you, Robbie. I will ride the Williams train. Rrrrrrow.

(here's to hoping this is a fame-monger ploy to get more ass)

Takes One To Know One

(Read Article Here)

Sharp-tongued comedienne JOAN RIVERS has labelled TOM CRUISE's fiancee KATIE HOLMES talentless - and believes her engagement to the megastar is her wisest career move to date.

The notoriously rude Rivers believes Cruise's former partners exploited the WAR OF THE WORLDS star to boost their own status, and maintains the DAWSON'S CREEK beauty will be no different.

She says, "Each woman has done very well by him - NICOLE KIDMAN and PENELOPE CRUZ. So this one, Katie Holmes, who doesn't seem to have much talent, is probably the luckiest of all.

"I saw her in BATMAN BEGINS and, let's just say, she better hang on to Tom for a while!"


and, in another Rivers interview

I’ve obviously got her started on a theme and she quickly dismisses Brad Pitt, calls Angelina Jolie “pelican lips” and knocks Tom Cruise for being so daft about being in love with Katie Holmes.

“All that jumping up and down on sofas, the girl must have a trick pelvis!”

A trick pelvis, or some hidden candy?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Wedding War

(Read Article Here)

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes know they want to get married. They even know when they want to tie the knot.

But, an insider tells Star, they just can't agree on where to have the ceremony — they're even at odds over which country to have it in.

Tom, 43, wants to have a ceremony at the Church of Scientology Celebrity Center in Los Angeles. "He is a diehard Scientologist," says an insider. "I think he wants Katie to be part of his belief system."

But this is Katie's first trip to the altar (Tom was previously married to Mimi Rogers, 53, and Nicole Kidman, 38) and she wants to go south of the border. An insider tells Star that Katie has her heart set on the Maroma Resort and Spa on Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula, where she and Tom, along with his kids — son Connor, 10, and daughter Isabella, 12 — spent five days in May. "They spent a romantic few days there," says the source, "and they both were impressed by the beauty of the place."

The Maroma Resort and Spa is closed during November, claims an industry insider — very convenient for Tom and Katie who are considering a late November ceremony. And it's very private. Says the insider: "The way the resort is set up, it's almost impossible for anyone uninvited to get inside."

I hear you can get cheap divorces in Mexico, too.

Dakota Fanning's Teeth

What is UP with them?

(interview given in 2003)
Jay Leno: Hey somethings different, let me see that smile.
Hey what happened to those teeth! Where are your
Dakota: Well, I had them pulled a month ago actually.
Jay Leno: Oh you had them pulled.
Dakota: Umm hmm, I had them pulled.
Jay Leno: oh your mom and dad didn’t do it with a string?
Dakota: No, they weren’t even loose actually.
Jay Leno: You mean you just pulled them out because it’s the
cool thing to do?
Dakota: No, I had to make room for my permanent teeth
because I’m nine and I’ve never lost any teeth without
them like being pulled, so I had to pull them and I got
five dollars for each tooth.

They do look pretty scary, right? But, she's barely 13 (or something). How many perfect toothed 13 year olds do you know? And, medically speaking, any dental work should be done after all her adult teeth come in, and after they figure out how much her jaw will grow and change as she does.

In 2004 she gave an interview stating:
"I don't have an enzyme in my body to break down the roots of my teeth. Somebody told me. I've lost six teeth and all of them have been pulled."

But, it does look like she knows how to manage to her teeth. She was seen a few weeks ago, being sworn in as a girlscout (accourding to sources, Tom Cruise was not allowed in the building), looking better. Maybe she just knows the right kind of smiles to hide her childhood flaw.

Also, I totally dig her shoes.

Coming Soon: Tom Cruise Look-Alike Arrested!