Save Dakota Fanning!

Friday, December 30, 2005

Why hideous children should never take pictures

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Not that I care

But STDs are never fun. So, Tom, if you get really drunk and stick it in her butt, use a rubber:

Holmes is CLASSY, People

(Read Article Here)

"I won't be waddling into my wedding with a big bump." Miss Holmes stated earlier this week, in an attempt to dispell the Christmas or NYE wedding rumors that have been circulating around Hollywood.

Well, Christmas is out, unless they wed in secret. In this town, nothing is secret, except where Miss Holmes ordered her terrible fake bellies, and why Cruise doesn't want to be openly gay.

But, Katie, we have some advice for you:

Many women who find they are pregnant after planning their wedding opt to postpone it until after the baby is born. But, as most mothers will testify, looking after a small baby is a lot more tiring than being pregnant - really! So think carefully before you decide and make sure you have people on hand to help you with the baby if necessary. Many women opt to wait for the wedding until the baby is a little older and has stopped breastfeeding. Also, unless you're Posh Spice, you won't have a washboard stomach a few months after giving birth, so if you're thinking of getting married after you've just had a baby it's wise to avoid any tummy-hugging styles unless you want to spend an awfully long time in the gym beforehand.

Though, since you won't be breastfeeding, your tits should bounce back quicker.

Oh, wait, you're not really pregnant. Never mind.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Boxers, errr, a quick brief

The real holidays are over (NYE? Excuse to get drunk).

So, quickly, before I pass out (too long in a car today):
-LA Times explores Tom's Desert "training pants."

Nearly 30 years ago, the Church of Scientology bought a dilapidated and bankrupt resort here and turned the erstwhile haven for Hollywood moguls and starlets into a retreat for L. Ron Hubbard, the science fiction writer who founded the religion.

Today, the out-of-the-way 500-acre compound near Hemet has quietly grown into one of Scientology's major bases of operation, with thriving video and recording studios, elaborate offices and a multimillion-dollar mansion that former members say was built for the eventual return of "LRH," who died in 1986.

Can we say LRH sperm? I know you can.

Straight men (and gay men who date damn dirty hippies), take note.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Giving A Whole New Meaning To "Water Baby"

(Read Article Here)

L. Ron says Breast feeding babies may have a nostalgic background, particularly to a Freudian oriented medico, but real breast milk again is usually a poor ration. Modern mothers smoke and sometimes drink. Smoking makes the milk very musty. Anyway, a nervous modern mother just can't deliver the right ration. Maybe it's the pace of the times or the breed, but there are few modern Guernsey-type mothers. So even without drinking or smoking, one should forget breast feeding.


Recipe for....success?

he Scientology Handbook (1994), Page 529 (halfway down):

Barley Formula for Babies

The foremost reason a baby doesn't do well is poor rations. And to remedy that, here is a formula one can use:

15 ounces of barley water
10 ounces of homogenized milk
3 ounces of corn syrup (As the Romans had honey, 2 ounces of honey may be used instead of corn syrup, if desired. Do not use lactose [a sugar found in milk, used in infant foods] as a substitute.) The amount of syrup should be varied - depending on the baby - some like it weak - some take it stronger.

This formula can be multiplied by any number according to the number of bottles desired but the ratio remains the same.

To make the barley water, put about a half cup of whole barley in a piece of muslin, tie loosely to allow for expansion. It is slowlyboiled in a covered, bented pot not made of aluminum for 61/2 (Note: six and a half -Chris) hours in about 4 pints of water. (In venting the pot, one allows steam to escape either through a vent build in the lid [if there is one] by placing the cover slightly askew so there is an opening between the cover and pot.) Barley water will turn very, very pink. This gives about the right consistency of barley water for making the formula as above.

You don't feed the baby the actual barley, only the water mixed withthe milk and corn syrup, in the ratio as given in the formula above.

Do not add anything else to this formula, such as vitamins or cream "to make the formula more nutritious." The formula is as laid out above.

Use this formula and have healthier babies!

So, breast milk is bad for the ScientoloBaby, eh? But feeding them Honey is okay???

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

resolution, or PREMONITION???

Read Article Here

MSNBC reports:
Name: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Resolved: To fulfill their dreams of being the perfect, most well-adjusted family in Hollywood. One that no one could possibly suspect of being a complete sham perpetrated by a 40-something Scientologist who worries that his days of being the go-to stud are numbered and a former WB refugee who sees only horror movie sequels in her future.

After announcing her retirement from acting to fulfill the glorious role of motherhood, Holmes will promptly knock out two more kids before taking a role in an Anthony Minghella-directed period drama. She’ll be panned by critics, but will lay the groundwork for her post-Cruise career by proving that she has more than one facial expression.

While making sure to re-seed the more thinning portions of his hairline, Cruise will continue to insist on doing his own stunts and talk incessantly about it in the press. Reigned in by his new set of handlers, he will keep couch leaping and prescription drug bashing to a minimum, but will forever hold a grudge against Matt Lauer.

The two will part amicably after starring together in an action-packed remake of “The Way We Were.” After which, Holmes’ career will blossom and Cruise will be romantically linked in the press to Dakota Fanning.

Exactly! Why do we exist? For the sole purpose of saving Ms. Fanning from Icky Drooly Creeepy Mr. Cruise. I mean, he's gross, and he's preying on progressively younger women. The latest looks strikingly like his daughter only fatter more pregnant.

So, yes, enough people keep mentioning it. 55 year old Cruise will likely be resting his hand a bit too long of Miss Fanning's shoulder. We shudder at the thought.

That is why we bring you all the Cruise That's Fit To Spit, to keep you informed. Perhaps we, the people, can change things, can raise awareness, can help to save this girl with progressively less offensive teeth.

(also, why is she hovering protectively over HIS belly? who is REALLY pregnant here? Hmmmmmm)


Read Article Here

Scientologists turned out in force on Saturday night (Dec. 17) for the opening of the new Psychiatry: Industry of Death museum.

The museum was created by the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR), a psychiatric watchdog group founded in 1969 by the Church of Scientology.

Cruise and Holmes weren't able to attend, as they were off on the East Coast treating Holmes like the child Cruise wants her to be.

Yes, Cruise, the best way to make people ignore the age difference is to take you daughter baby's mamma to a big ole toy store.

Babies should not have babies.

Sure, she's 27, but, the way she is with Cruise, where he's dragging her around, she's not allowed to cross the street without him holding her hand, he smiles and says the same Chatty Cathy soundbites over again ("It's amazing!" "We're so in love!"). She's a child. Or a doll. Or a sperm receptical for L. Ron's little squirts.

But, Tom's not treating her like an adult, and she's certainly not acting like one.

Monday, December 19, 2005

How Will The Cruises' Celebrate Christmas?

Find out by watching "Christmas With The Cruises," a short film with a deeply, deeply serious message

"We are in love and have hetereosexual sex all the time. Very straight sex, straighter than a ruler. We love sushi and warping people's minds. Sometimes we look out at the view of the LA sunset, but it can be difficult for Tom needs to get on my shoulders here and there, he he. He would make me read chapters one thru eight of Dianetics if he heard me laugh about that. I am getting more roles than ever this year, not sure why...hmm. Must be the new shampoo."

Sunday, December 18, 2005

a bunch of TC Boil on my butt crap.

  • Cruise jerks off to L. Ron's picture in the desert or something.

  • Katie begging for help

  • Cruise looking scary, Katie looking drunk

  • we suspected it was L. Ron's baby a while back.

    Dear DJ,

    One of my boyfriend's best friends is very high at Ford Models. A few months ago he (Ford models guy) was at a benefit and was seated next to Katie Holmes publicistwho proceeded to get drunk and told him that she is not carrying Tom's baby(he is rumored to be sterile) but the current head of scientology's baby(not l ron hubbard). Apparently Tom is in love with Katie for doing this(head of scientology is also Tom's butt buddy).

    enjoy or some crap.

  • Friday, December 16, 2005

    long time no whatever

    Yeah, okay, we haven't posted in a while. I was in vitamin detox, okay.

    Anyway, let's see what was going on.

    First, though, Sunday Holmes turns 17 or something. And Tom's all "dude, no one reads the online tabloids SUNDAY, so I have to take her out on a media binge and purge during the WEEK."

    so, they made out in a toystore and stuff.

    There aren't any belly revealing pictures, so, um, no one really cares. It was just one big jerkoff night, and whatever. Not news. Sorry Tom. You'll have to try harder.

    Though, I guess, pissing off firefighters is a pretty good try.

    Scientology will help you breathe, so stop being so dependant on that iron lung, buddy. L. Tom doesn't like it.

    And, and Holmes apparently killed a muppet for its pelt or something. Maybe it's a bathrobe. Maybe she's taking fashion hints from the Olsen twins. Whatever.

    If this isn't a "for the love of god save me" or "I AM DEMON RARRRRRRRRRRRRRR" face, I don't know what is.

    yeah, the end or something

    Monday, December 12, 2005

    If you look at all three "big boobs" below, you'll notice the left tata is pretty bigger than the right.


    I can't claim credit for this, but I don't know who did it, so, if you can tell me who gets the cred, I'll give:

    Um, totally.


    Sunday, December 11, 2005

    and now, she's super pregnant again

    Tuesday, December 06, 2005

    Cold as in Frigid?

    (Read article Here)

    Hollywood couple TOM CRUISE and his pregnant fiancee KATIE HOLMES have topped a magazine list of coldest and least powerful stars in Hollywood.

    HA. HA HA HA.

    That is all.

    to compare

    Katie's belly grows and shrinks like...

    ...Britney's boobs

    Monday, December 05, 2005

    The amazing growing and shrinking belly

    thing that make you go hmmmmmmmm

    WE HAVE A (different) WEDDING DATE

    (read article here)

    Tom Cruise and pregnant fiancee Katie Holmes will marry on July 7, it has been revealed.

    The Hollywood couple had been trying to keep the date of their big day under wraps - but their wedding list at Los Angeles department store Neiman Marcus has given the day away.

    Listed under their birth names - Katherine Holmes and Thomas Mapother - the Hollywood pair have requested gift tokens so they can handpick their own presents.

    That's 4 days after Cruise turns 80, errrr, 44.

    Saturday, December 03, 2005

    Death By Crap

    Cruise and Holmes are giving us a slow and painful death through crap(py acting, poorly written attentionwhoreness, and bad fake bellies.). So, we though we'd return the favor.

    Enough Theories To Cover Our Asses.

    If there is a bun in the oven (no peek of stomach, even with changing bump and boob size makes the fake theory more likely), and that's a huge "if," the lastest theory is....

    ...the baby was made with L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm.

    Now, unless it's a way early birth, it won't be born on Mr. Hubbard birthday.

    Having his sperm is weird, you say? They engrave his "works" on stainless steel tablets, and admit to it.

    Freezing a little bit of his Man Juice seems tame in comparison.

    And this supports the "Tom doesn't diddle the girls" theory. Also meshes well with "Ol'Tom's shootin' blanks."

    Covers all the grounds, unless a very graphic and explicit Holmes Cruise (A Night In Kate?) sex video is unearthed, we're sticking by the No-Baby-Or_Not-His-Baby guns.

    And they're pretty handsome guns.

    Friday, December 02, 2005

    Kate's Back In Los Angeles, Sans Fake Belly

    Thursday, December 01, 2005


    October 21st, according to

    The couple is already registered, asking for items like dinner service sets, glasses and a coffee pot.

    The guest list John Travolta and some other cult members. Sadly, no one at SaveDakota was invited. But, it's almost a year away, so we doubt real invitations have been sent. Yet. We will NOT wait sadly by our mailbox only to be disappointed (Xtina, I'm looking at you!).

    A Little Chinese Lesson For Tom

    So, reports have it that Cruise knows a little Chinese.

    We here at SaveDakota do, too.

    Did you know, that "bullshit" in Chinese sounds very close to "Go Pee!" (with tones and emphasis). This literally means "dog fart" (thus, the "go" means "dog," as many animals in Chinese have the same name as the sound they make. Cat = Mao. Duck=Yadzur).

    But, I digress. Bullshit=go pee.

    And what do pregnant people do a lot? Go pee.

    We here at Save Dakota are calling official Bullshit.

    Yes, Cruise, I call bullshit on you.

    Proof the bump or cut the crap.