Save Dakota Fanning!

Friday, July 21, 2006

For Urine Joyment

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Suri "Anagram" Cruise

Proof that she's the next L.Ron:


Tom is a perv:


If The "Baby" Looked Like That, I'd Lock It In The Basement, Too

Build Your Own Baby Suri

Simply use your mouse to drag and drop Tom or Katie's nose, mouth, or eyes to the baby in the center of the photo below and you can make a mock-up of what you think Suri might look like. Does she have Katie's eyes or Tom's determined chin? It's up to you to decide. Have fun!

Cruise Turns Sexual Fantasy Into Movie?

Cute-as-a-button child star Dakota Fanning, who turned 12 in February, is venturing into sexually disturbing territory in a movie being filmed in North Carolina.

The screenplay for "Hounddog" - a dark story of abuse, violence and Elvis Presley adulation in the rural South, written and directed by Deborah Kampmeier - calls for Fanning's character to be raped in one explicit scene and to appear naked or clad only in "underpants" in several other horrifying moments.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Katie Takes It In The Butt

Okay, not really, but this just in from X17:

Might there be trouble in TomKatland? X17 reports Katie Holmes staged a revolt and stormed out of their home in Beverly Hills yesterday after she was ordered to hire two Scientology-trained nannies by her master Tom Cruise.

'And some other weird things: she hasn't been seen with her usual assistant (aka Scientology Sea Org) for weeks and for the last week she was in Telluride (when we were keeping an eye on her), we caught not even a glimpse of Tom. Yeah, he was in Chicago over the weekend, but where was he before that and where is he now? Doesn't he maybe feel like hanging out with his wife and baby sometimes?'

Has Katie finally awaken from the Scientology haze she's been under for the last year? Is she seeking retail therapy as a means of escape? Stay tuned....

nah, she always shops when her pictures need to be taken by the public.

"Someone" "Saw" "Suri"

Leah Remini, who stars in the CBS comedy "King Of Queens," says she's seen Suri Cruise, the 3-month-old baby of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

Entertainment Tonight reports that the actress said in an interview in the upcoming issue of Us Weekly that she visited the baby several weeks ago.

"She's a newborn and normal size!" Remini said.

Like Tom Cruise, Remini is a member of the Church of Scientology.

Even though they had a very public courtship, Cruise and Holmes have not presented their baby in public and so far haven't inked a deal with a magazine for exclusive photos of the baby.

Conspiracy theories abound in the tabloid press and on blogs about why baby Suri hasn't been seen. Some even speculate that the baby doesn't exist at all, while others point out that Tom Cruise also kept his two adopted children, Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11, out of the public eye when they were little.

As for Suri, a family friend described the baby as "a cross between the two – [with] dark, straight hair and dark eyes."

"She's a newborn and normal size!"

What. The. Eff?

That, in and of itself, should be enough to tell you this story is fake. Who the HELL says that?

Thick, Dark.....LIES

So, regarding that "first suri picture ever!!!!!!!" we showed you below? One of my faithful readers pointed out:

"where's all that glorious, dark, thick hair suri (oops) supposedly has? inquiring minds....riiiiiight."

That's an excellent point.

Very excellent indeed. The head does look remarkably plastic.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I think trent at Pink Is The New Blog put is best when he said:
And just like the whole TomKat phenomenon this picture looks FAKE AS HELL! I've seen photos of Big Foot that look more credible than this picture looks. I can't even begin to point out all the things wrong with this photo ... Katie looks like she's been Photoshopped out of another picture (if it's even her, it's not even a good picture of her) and the "baby" looks like a small sack of potatoes. Fake! Fake! Fake!

A Girl Can Dream....

Marty and Doc Save The World From Scientology.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Not Gay You Say? No Way!

According to Man Law, men are only allowed to hug if their penises are as far away from each other as possible. Well, straight men at least.

To further add question to Cruise's sexual preference, check out his style of hugging, as pictured on 7/15/06:

This is in clear violation of Straight Man's Law 17-4A.

As though we needed more proof that the only vagina Tom touched was when he slithered out of the womb.

Sunday, July 16, 2006


US Magazine reflects on a year of Holme's quotes.

“I’m doing great! I’m so excited!” Katie told Us on April 4, 2006.

“I’m great…Suri’s doing great! She’s back at the house,” Katie said in Telluride, CO, July 10, 2006

“He’s great and at home,” Katie said of Tom, while browsing a Chanel Boutique, May 26, 2005.

“It’s just a great time in my life. I’m really happy,” Tom said on the Today show, June 24, 2005

“It’s amazing. I’m so happy…I feel great…I’m so excited,” Katie said on the Today show, Oct. 21, 2005

“She’s amazing,” Tom said of Katie on The Oprah Winfrey Show, May 23, 2005

“It’s just really amazing…I’m just so happy,” Katie told W magazine, August 2005.

“And I mean, it’s amazing. It is absolutely amazing,” Katie said on The Early Show, June 10, 2005

“It’s an amazing thing,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

“I’m excited! I’m very excited,” Tom said at the Mission: Impossible III premiere on May 3, 2006

“It’s an exciting time in my life,” Tom said on German talk show Wetten, das?, Apr. 1, 2006

“I’m very excited,” Tom said at Yahoo! Headquarters, Apr. 10, 2006

“They’re very happy and excited,” Cruise’s sister Lee Anne Devette told Us, Oct. 2005.

“We’re happy and excited,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

“It’s exciting,” Holmes’ father, Martin, told Us, April 2005

Friday, July 14, 2006

"Glib" New Battle Cry


Now, I'm all about personal expression. And writting letters to the editor. So, as I started to read the one linked to above, I could see some pretty valid points.

That is, until I came across a single word. Glibly.


Where have we heard this word before?

“You’re glib.”

Oh. Right. Thank you, Mr. Cruise.

Aren't most people pulled into Scientology through taking "communication classes"? Wouldn't the point of these classes be to teach people how to speak with ease and fluency?

Isn't that the definition of "glib"? Or, I forgot, there's often the undertone of insincerity, superficiality, or deceitfulness.

Hey, L. Ron? Do all your followers know that OT8 means you can fly and use mind control? Do they know anything about the upper levels? Or is it all about paying to get further up.

I do suggest, L. Ron Glibbard, you take a good look in the dictionary before you pick your neck battle cry.

In India, Scientology Is Raising An Army

The original article is here.

The Dehli Police are being trained in Scientology as part of their police training. An entire police force in India is being trained in Scientology. The Hubbardites are raising an army people.

Be afraid.

Spead the Word, Not Your Legs

Okay, there seems to have been a lull in Scientology-bashing in the news lately. We can't have this kids. So, grab your favorite shapie, a light colored tshirt, and scrawl out your favorite message.

Or, for the lazies, order a premade shirt online. Remember, it's okay to be a follower if it's funny.

We'll keep you updated as we find more Appropriate shirts to fight the good fight.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Katie Holmes: No Suri In Sight

Katie was snapped by the weekly during a vacation in Telluride, Colo., strolling down the street with a friend and a cappuccino. Neither fiancé Tom Cruise — nor, significantly, baby Suri — were anywhere to be found.Us, in a three-page spread, says a couple of Telluride locals have reported Suri spottings, including a clerk at a natural-goods store, who said Suri is “funny looking."

Yes, most beach balls are.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

An Update On The SuriCertificateGate

Thank you TMZ for doing your homework, and loyal readers for keeping me abreast (he he) of the situation.

The same nurse who signed the birth certificate for Tom Cruise's daughter Suri also signed the birth certificate for Brooke Shields' daughter Grier, but there's an interesting discrepancy.

Both babies were born on April 18 at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica. Anne Heffernan is the registered nurse who signed both birth certificates. As TMZ reported Monday, Heffernan, who never saw Suri, signed her birth certificate. A hospital rep says Heffernan is authorized to sign when a doctor is not available.

On the Suri Cruise certificate, Heffernan's license number is G48079. On the Grier Henchy certificate, Heffernan's license number is different -- G068399. TMZ checked with the California Board of Registered Nursing and we were told Heffernan's license number didn't match either of the birth certificates. A Board rep told TMZ Hefferman's license number is 317058.

And it gets more interesting. The Board of Registered Nursing told TMZ the license number on Grier's certificate comes back to a Dorothy Rork. The license number on Suri's birth certificate is a mystery. There is no name attached to that license number.

By the way, unlike Suri's birth certificate, Brooke Shields signed the one for her daughter. Someone listed as "Friend" signed the certificate for Suri.

Also, the hospital's policy is to file birth certificates with L.A. County within 10 days of birth. In the case of Suri, it took 20 days to file, in part because the "friend" didn't sign for 16 days. In Grier's case, Brooke herself signed two days after her birth and the certificate was filed nine days after the baby was born.

TMZ placed multiple calls to St. John's. So far, no comment.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Cruise Pays For Fake Birth Certificate

The document, filed with the Los Angeles County Register-Recorder/County Clerk, was filed May 8, 2006. (Click on document to download) There are several interesting items of note:

  • First, St. John's Hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within 10 days of birth. In this case, Suri was born on April 18 but the certificate was not filed until May 8, 20 days later. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled "friend." The signature is not legible.

  • Also, the "Attendant or Certifier" who signed the certificate -- Anne Heffernan, RNC -- was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said "normally the doctor signs" but it isn't a requirement.

  • Finally, the hospital rep said that the circumstances that triggered the eventual signing of the birth certificate were that Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite to obtaining one.

    Also, the names on the birth certificate are not their "real" names. And, it's not that hard to fake a digital birth certificate. And, even close scientology friends have not seen this little beach ball.

    Theories abound.
  • Thursday, July 06, 2006

    Wanna eMeter Yourself?

    Buy It Here

    This Hubbard British Mark V Electrometer is a vintage one, probably from the early 70`s. Serial number 8689 Denmark.
    It is housed in a hinged wooden box with tongue in groove corners - 9 1/2" long, 6 3/4" wide, 3" deep. Box has a leather carry handle. Lid is removeable.
    The glass surface is intact and all the dials are present. However no cords come with it.
    This machine was made for use in Scientology, manufactured by "Instrumentations".

    I'm aroused. How about you?


    I'm going to fall back on what I remember of my philosophy training for this one.

    We have two options:
    1. Suri exists.
    2. Suri does not exist.

    If Suri exists, we have two options.
    1. Katie Holmes carried and gave birth to Suri.
    2. Katie Holmes did NOT carry and give birth to Suri.

    If Suri does not exist, we have one option:
    1. Tom is batshit crazy.

    If Katie Holmes carried and gave birth to Suri, we have two options:
    1. No one has met Suri because Tom and Katie are shy and private.
    2. The baby is hideously deformed.

    If Katie Holmes did NOT carry and give birth to Suri, we have one option (remember, we're assuming she exists):
    1. Tom and Katie adopted a baby and are lying.

    If no one has met Suri because Tom and Katie are shy and private, wait, that's a logical impossibility. Thus, if Katie Holmes carried and gave birth to Suri the baby is hideously deformed.

    So, we have three possible options:
    1. Suri does not exist and Tom is batshit crazy.
    2. Tom and Katie adopted a baby and are lying.
    3. The baby is hideously deformed. Or black.

    [note: black does not equal deformed, but would be yet another reason to hide the baby, since neither parent, as far as I can tell by the way they jump and dance, is black.]

    So, we have a 66% chance that Tom is batshit crazy and a liar. We have a 16.5% chance the baby is totally, totally deformed. And a 16.5% chance Katie banged a black dude.

    I like those odds.

    Oh Suri, Where Art Thou?

    Three months after her birth, Baby Suri, is still unseen, even by the family’s closest friends. A source says Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show her off to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley. Even good pals Will and Jada Pinkett Smith supposedly have not met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise. “Every time, it’s a different excuse: He’s busy or Kate’s not feeling well,” says a source. ‘[The Smiths] think it’s so weird.”

    Soon after the baby was born, photo agency WireImage approached multiple outlets (including Us) with the news that it would be offering pictures of Suri for auction. Days later, on May 11, before official bidding was even underway, the agency sent out an e-mail declaring that “the baby shoot is on hold for now. There is no additional info as to when this may happen or if it will even happen at all.”

    What’s behind the secrecy? And what about TomKat’s wedding, which Cruise promised would happen either mid-summer or fall? For more details, check out the current issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands this week.

    Theories detailed in next post.