SHE'S NOT PREGNANT

How does she look smaller than the funeral?

Oh, right. SHE'S NOT PREGNANT.

And, how is Tom managing to look TALLER THAN SHE IS?

I just, I don't...

And why is she fully covered in jeans and a sweater, in TAHITI, when everyone else is in shorts and tank tops?

Oh, right. SHE'S NOT PREGNANT.

Katie Holmes Official College Drop-Out

Mum-to-be KATIE HOLMES has given up on her education eight years after she was accepted by prestigious American university Columbia.

The future MRS TOM CRUISE was forced to defer her further education at Columbia back in 1998 when she landed a role in hit TV show DAWSON'S CREEK.

Holmes has been deferring her admission annually ever since, but last week her father called the college withdrawing his daughter's name, according to entertainment news website TMZ.com.
(from here)

Well, her lack of formal education is no excuse for being dumb as rocks.

Just To Remind You Why We're Fighting The Good Fight

In Honor Of Dakota's Birthday....

-Katie's friends and family worry about Tom's controlling ways, and dragging her "pregnant" ass across the globe to prove he's hetero
-Then again, Katie is worshiping the LRon like there's no tomorrow. Hmmm, maybe they know something we don't know
-Finally, Cruise endangered Holmes' health. By existing, being controlling, giving her the Herp, having a perma-grip on her arm, contantly rubbing her stomach for the cameras, and banging the pool boy.

and what is UP with that nipple? Or, should I say, down.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET DAKOTA

Your first 12 years have served you so well. Make the most of the next twelve, love.

And keep fighting the good fight.

Proof that she's NOT pregnant:


He's practically naked, right? And if there is ANY place to reveal the bebe, this is it. But noooooo, she's all covered, and hardly fat at all. Okay, she has cankles, but her feet have always been weird.

SHOW ME THE BELLY.

Pillow Talk

Dear Tom,

Just because Michael Jackson fathered Blanket does not make it acceptable for you to father Pillow.

We know he's the King Of Pop, and you're the King of Couches.
We know he likes young boys, and you like young girls.
We know Lisa Marie was into your religion, and you've got Katie shilling it too.

I hate to repeat myself, but...

--Both, in the beginning, appeared relatively sane, if not actually attractive.
--Both, also, were (whether they still are is far more debatable) talented.
--Both have been surrounded by rumors of homosexual activity.
--Both are raising children that neither actually participated in making (it came out in Michael's trial that "his" kids are likely not actually related to him).
--Both have had publicity stunt/sham relationships/marriages.
--Both have undenyably gone off the deep end.


So, dear Tom, bringing Pillow into this world may seem like a good idea, I warn you, when you find yourself danging pillow off a balcony, going through trial after trial, and finally retreating to another country to live as a woman, you will regret your decision.

How To Audit A Klingon

How to audit a Klingon, or other Star Trek life form.

Cruise, take note.

Klingons are naturally aggressive so the old 'Fight the wall' process works utter wonders on them and produces bucketloads of case gain. (Handy Hint: Make them leave their Disruptor pistols in reception unless you enjoy paying large renovation bills)

IMPOSTERS!!!!!!

Take a good look as these people in Australia.

I call foul.

Sure, they're good doubles, but look closely at the noses.

Something, SOMETHING, is wrong.

I don't know who's to blame for this one....

But something tells me this amount of cleavage isn't appropriate for a memorial service.

Katie Lays The Smackdown

Read Article Here

The fabulous Katie Holmes has reportedly declared to Tom Cruise that she will not allow Scientologists to commandeer her newborn at birth a published report details.

Does this mean she'll also actually breastfeed her kid instead of FEEDING IT HONEY??

This is supposed to be a picture of "Tom" and "Katie" in "Australia."



They look like imposters to me. Their noses are all wrong.

The Way It Should Have Been

Oprah Kicks Tom's Ass

Okay, maybe not. But, give it time....

mark the date

Feb 23rd: Our lovely Dakota Fanning turns 12.

Hopefully, cruise will not be there to yank her hair back S&M style when she blows out her candles.

To disprove rumors, a 7 month pregnant Holmes, who was due...to stay home, and not fly to australia, arrived with her "man."

Holmes was warned by doctors that the long flight and extended time in the air would not be the smartest course of action for her at this stage in her pregnancy.

Cruise, in a fierce fight to maintain his heteroness, dragged her aboard a plane anyway, jeopardizing her safety, so the world would not doubt that these two are still firmly united as one.

How sad.

So It Begins

Remember, before Nick and Jessica, or Brad and Jennifer, or any other generic couple broke up, while they were still denying rumors, instead of being attached at the hips/lips, as they were in the past, suddenly Jessica was in Africa and brad was filming a movie alone?

Um, yeah. Katie's getting coffee like five times a day without Cruise,, and he's heading to the thunder from downunder solo. Funny, he'll be in Australia around the same time the infamous "Tom Cruise Is Gay" south park episode is do to air.


things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

Cruising Fark

Tom, get off the internet

I can't believe that people actually read and or believe this bull shit that is posted on fark.com. This is the first time I have been to fark.com and definatly the last. Considering I am witness to a lot of shit that goes on in hollywood, its hard to post some complete bull shit rumor say about tom cruise and katie holmes breaking up when they are sitting in front of you acting completely normal and sane. You guys must have small penis's since you have to make up shit for people to notice you. Hate to be with you in bed. Dumb shits! You may think I am, at least Im getting rich off being honest and not lieing to everyone in the fucking world.

BAH HAHAHA.

Denile

So, they claim the story isn't true

Yeah, they would, wouldn't they? I mean, the article specifically states that the "couple" plans on keeping up the pretense until the pillow is born, no? So, wouldn't the very fact that they are denying this accusation prove the article true?

INDEED!

Also, as a side note, didn't Nick and Jessica's rep vehmently deny rumors of the split for months before it occurred?

Yesh. Yesh they did.

Don't Forget: It's All About The Love

"Katie is the best part of my life. I've never been happier. I'm in love and very happy."

"I'm in love! I'm in love. I can't be cool. I can't be laid-back. Something happened and I want to celebrate it."

"I love this woman. She's magnificent!"

"It's just like, "Huh? Wow, man. Wow. I was looking at her (and thinking), 'Man, you are so cool.' We go scuba diving together. She likes all this stuff that I love to do. She's funny and smart."

"I'm not going to hide it. I am so happy and I am not going to pretend or hide it or be shy. This woman is magnificent! I got to tell ya, this woman is magnificent and I'm having the best time... and I'm really, really, really happy. And I can't contain it. And I'm not going to pretend. I'm not going to pretend."

"I will forever with this woman be jumping on couches, dancing on tables and hanging from chandeliers."

Pregnancy: The Best VD Ever

Too good to be true?

ife & Style has learned exclusively that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have agreed to call off their wedding — and, ultimately, to split.

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring. In the meantime, the couple will live in his Beverly Hills home — though sleeping in separate bedrooms — through the summer. Then, presumably, they’ll announce a separation — but Tom plans to buy Katie a home nearby so he can visit his child whenever he wishes.

“They’ll share custody,” says the friend, who claims the couple are drawing up a legal document to provide for Katie’s and the baby’s financial well-being for life. “Tom will set up Katie and the baby,” adds the pal.

For more on Tom and Katie’s split and other celebrity relationship and style news, pick up the latest issue of Life & Style Weekly.

One can only hope.

ganked from http://lifeandstylemag.hollywood.com/

OMFGBBQ

Coffee. REAL SHOCKER THERE.

And what's up with the potato sack? Are you trying to distract us with ugly clothing so we stop, for once, talking about your fake pregnancy?

What is it with pregnant woman going out for coffee obsessively, anyway? Bennifer, I'm looking right at you?

And, as Pinkisthenewblog pointed out, she's starting to look more and more like white trash britney.

Hey, Katie, if you're going to model your fake pregnancy after someone, try to be a little more classy, and a little less bare-foot-in-the-public-restroom.

Valentines Day For Books

Odds that:
Cruise will buy Katie a small island..........6:1
The couple will dine atop the Eiffel tower, to relive the proposal.........4:1
Cruise will buy out all the tickets to Disneyland to watch his child bride frolic...8:1
Katie will buy Cruise something/anything......23:1
A ride on Katie's jet/birthday gift will be involved......2:1
Katie will purchase coffee......1:1
The couple will finally admit it was all a ruse......1,000,000,000:1
Tom will buy some lavish gift for the pillow-fetus....15:1
No one will care.......1:1

Even "In Touch" Smells A Rat

...

This picture is creepy for so many reasons, but what on earth is he wearing on his feet to make him so incrediably tall???

Dear Katie, No One Likes You.

PS: You're ugly.

Then Why Is She Going Out To Coffee Twice A Day?

Read Article Here

"Rumor has it that Tom Cruise doesn't want his life with Katie Holmes to be a repeat of his marriage to Nicole Kidman.

The buzz is that Tom Cruise wants his wife-to-be to focus on being a wife and a mother -- not on her career. He also reportedly wants her to avoid the spotlight for a while.

"I've got Katie tucked away, so no one will get to us until my child is born -- and until I want them to," Cruise recently told "a friend" according to the new issue of Life & Style Weekly.

Yeah. "tucked away."

The Brain Washing Has Finally Ended For Nicole

Read Article here

Movie star Tom Cruise is reportedly livid with his ex-wife Nicole Kidman as she has agreed to star in a film based on a dangerous religious cult.

‘A Better Life’ is said to be loosely based on a Waco siege led by a Davidian cult leader in 1993 but Cruise is paranoid that Kidman’s participation may link the film to scientology.

An insider told the Star: “Tom believes in Scientology and lives life through that. But even though it isn’t a cult, he is very aware that some people think it is.

France thinks it is. And the french gave us really yummy cheese, and fashion and hot accents and wine. So, they clearly know what they're talking about.

Scientology gave us Battle Feild Earth, Kirstie Alley (does expelling thetans make you fat?) and Michael Jackson's ex wife.

Hmmmm, who is better at decision making?

“’A Better Life’ is a fictional movie but if anything it’s based on Waco. It’ll follow the story of cult members as they join up and hurtle towards the inevitable tragedy.”

“It will obviously get people talking about niche religions and the effect that they can have.”

What, the effect religion can have on film stars with way too much money????

Actually, the last thing these two need is more attention.

A Glimpse Of Her Groin.

Look at her subtle smirk. "I'm showing you my belly," she smiles, "so you can cease your truthful doubting."

Um, Katie? I hate to be all nitpicky, but all we see if you "I'm been drinking whole milk chais twelve times a day to look chunky/pregnant" thighs.

I see no belly.

I may, in fact, see some pubes.

But, I hope not.

Anyway. This isn't proof. This is your bump-artist finally paying enough for a model that isn't lopsides and lumpy, so you can "prove" to the world with your "slip" of a shirt, to show your big ole body suit (um, what kind of peeing-twelve-times-a-day pregnant lady would wear a friggen BODY SUIT?????) faux belly.

Still not buying it. Tom makes enough. Can't you try harder?

Will We Have To Save Dakota From Ford, Too?

Read Article here

According to Ford, no one embodies the new Hollywood better than Dakota Fanning. In an essay that will appear in the magazine, he wrote that she was "an ageless icon, like Elizabeth Taylor."

She is also a box-office force. Fanning makes $3 million a picture, and her films have grossed more than $650 million — more than Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts and Nicole Kidman.

"She has such a beautiful face," said Ford, who had Dakota photographed as an adult wearing Chanel couture. "She's growing up in such a beautiful way."

Nah. He's just flattering an honest, like Kurt Russell buying her a pony. That's what you give little girls. Ponies. Not cell phones with your phone number programed in, you sick, sick man.

In other news, even if a little Elron is born, no one will care. Except it won't be breast fed.

Oh, by the way, believing in god is a scientological sin, so KatieKate's little "it's compatable with catholocism" thing is just another lie to add to the list.

Was She Doing That From The Get-Go?

Read Article Here

It’s official; Katie Holmes has started “shilling for Scientology.”

At Fox News Roger Friedman reports that he got a gift pack from the couple known as “TomKat.”

'TomKat' mailing includes autographs, but no sonogram

'TomKat' mailing includes autographs, but no sonogram
His latest “Scientology package [came] as a brightly-colored cardboard box with many inserts, including a CD and a DVD. The DVD contains a weird music video called ‘United.’”

The music video includes shots of Scientology celebs Jenna Elfman, Erika Christensen, Isaac Hayes and Catherine Bell “all sort of nodding in a trance and clapping along.”

Along with this updated version of Tom Cruise’s old gift pack sent out last year comes the same note advising journalists that a donations have been made to Scientology in their name.

But this year the note comes from both Cruise and Katie Holmes with both their signatures.

Sorry no sonogram.

Nevertheless isn’t that note something to frame and hang over a desk with pride?

Hardly.

But maybe good enough for a few laughs in a column as Friedman has done.

It seems Scientology has found a fresh new face to add to its aging lineup of middle aged Hollywood stars.

Maybe recruitment efforts are getting desperate for Scientology?

Recently the group has taken to the streets and subway tunnels in an effort to proselytize.

In California one of its branch directors was actually giving “stress tests” on the sidewalk.

Just so you know, I almost got auditted on the streets in LA. But I decided to look at nascar nighties instead.