Save Dakota Fanning!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Cowboys Like Roundups

  • Cruise Likes Dudes, errrr, getting picked up by Johns
  • Cruise Hates His Baby, Avoids Responsibilities
  • The Missing Interview
  • Robin Williams May Have Ceased Being Funny 15 Years Ago, Still Not Retarded
  • Tom's Love For Holmes' Matures, Holmes Soon To Follow
  • Katie Prefers Company Of Evil Ghosts To Evil Cruise
  • Couples Who Act Together...

  • Tuesday, April 25, 2006

    I Am UnHappy With My LIfe


    Oh my god. Tom Cruise knows EVERYTHING.

    Monday, April 24, 2006

    Is Cruise Retarded?

    Yes, I think he is.

    Friday, April 21, 2006

    Why We'll Never Know Who Carried Suri

    Suri Came From India.

    Well, the odds are pretty good at least. For 5k you can pay some woman who probably doesn't know who you are to carry your test tube baby, then drop her in a gutter, and no one is the wiser. "every year, a hundred thousand Indian women die because of medical complications of pregnancy and childbirth"

    Perfect...for them.

    But sick, and wrong.

    Suckling The Fame Teat

  • Macaulay Culkin is more popular thank Cruise
  • Decoy Belly, Decoy Cars. "Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes used decoy cars to leave the hospital after their daughter was born."
  • KATIE HOLMES USES DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, so she did while giving birth. WHy is that okay, Tom?
  • It's Easy To Rebound From A Fake Pregnancy. More unwed mohters should try it.
  • Cruise Loves "Real Child" More Than Adopted Babies.

  • Thursday, April 20, 2006

    Lull at work?

    Play The "Keep Katie Quiet" Game

    The Afterbirth

  • Further Proof It Was A Pillow. "Two days before she gave birth, she splashed a wad of cash on some new togs - in her pre-pregnant size." Either that or she's delusional.
  • A Look At Syrian's Future. "In 11 years: Jealous of her father's increasingly close and creepy friendship with Dakota Fanning (now 22), Suri rebels and becomes best friends with Brooke Shields' daughter Grier, who shares her birthday. When Cruise learns the girls are in talks with a Fox exec about a pilot for a Simple Life-like reality show, he grounds her -- for life."
  • Nicole Congrats Katie, Shuns Tom.
  • Katie's Civilian Friends Try To Talk Sense Into Her. And you know we've hit hard times when I refer to Catholics as talking sense.

  • I Thought Tom Hated Email

    Props to Skywench for the following:

    from IMDB (gotta give credit where credit is due)

    Holmes Home from Hospital

    Actress Katie Holmes has been discharged after giving birth to baby girl Suri on Tuesday afternoon in a Los Angeles hospital. The birth went so smoothly, the former Dawson's Creek star was sent home from the facility within 24 hours. Holmes delivered the baby just down the hall from where actress Brooke Shields gave birth to her daughter Grier the same day. A source close to Holmes' family says, "(Suri) has lots and lots of dark hair and big, blue eyes. She's going to be a beautiful baby." Cruise sent an email to TV host Diane Sawyer, whose interview with the star aired Friday on TV's Primetime. Sawyer read the email yesterday on Good Morning America. Cruise wrote that the new baby was "glorious" and also said Holmes "was and is a champ through the whole labor process." Hordes of paparazzi are currently camped out in front of the couple's Beverly Hills, California mansion hoping to score the first photo of the baby, which is estimated to sell for $2 million. The actor cancelled promotional duties for his new film Mission: Impossible III scheduled for yesterday. The film has premieres scheduled in Rome, London and Paris next week. A spokesman for Paramount Pictures said decisions as to which events Cruise will attend will be made on a day-to-day basis.

    i guess he likes e-mail enough to brag about his bastard love-child to a journalist....glad katie made such a miraculous "recovery"...kudos to brooke shields for being able to be in the same place at the same time with the looney toons....

    Wednesday, April 19, 2006


    My lovely, wonderful, and handsome boyfriend speaks Hebrew fluently.

    Guess what.

    Suri does not mean princess in Hebrew.

    It means Syrian.

    Yes. From Syria.

    That is was TomKitten's name mean.

    From Syria.


    Okay, So, I Know You're Lazy...

    ...But I know you love the dirt.

    Go read this article. It outlines what a child goes through in Scientology, and what celebrities LRonnie tried to recruit.

    Good read.

    I'd summarize, but hey, I'm lazy, too.

    Ahhh, Scientology Princess. I get It

    So, Suri, in Persian, means Red Rose. In Hebrew, Princess.

    Well, then, Princess Rose, I have a feeling that by sunset on your sixteenth birthday, you will prick your finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die.

    Or be shipped off to a compound for months, only to reappear as the feather in the cap of Scientology. Mark my words people. Mark my words.

    Tuesday, April 18, 2006


    Hmmm, inspiration for the name is boundless.

    Do a google search. You will find...

  • -- The material from which the pillow cover was made. SOFT!
  • -- Website of creepy looking guy. APPROPRIATE!

    how about a google image search.

    First result:

    Suri the pod baby.

    Second Result:

    Tom Cruise likes little boys.

  • More Info

    I just had to get that out as soon as I heard. Must of happened while I was eating sushi.

    Anyway, just the facts, ma'am.

    7 pounds, 7 ounces.
    20 inches in length.
    Both mother and daughter doing well.
    Born in an L.A.-area hospital.

    Now, we wait for someone to sell her "TomKat bought my baby for $10,000,000!!!!!" story to the tabloids. I give it a week.

    no Suri is the baby Tom's.

    The Baby Is Here

    Your Cynical Media Colleagues Cast Doubt


    Tom Cruise has been sitting down with a lot of reporters lately — but one recent chat didn’t go so well. The “Mission Impossible” star walked out of an interview with Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet Söndag after the conversation turned to his ex-wife, Nicole Kidman.

    The conversation was all smiles until reporter Björn Benkow insisted that experts say that dyslexia cannot be cured by Scientology as Cruise has claimed. There was an awkward pause, then Cruise burst into laughter. “I’m going to, in any case, admit that you have the courage of a madman,” according to our translator. “This is something no journalist has dared say to me face-to-face. . . . Scientology is a religion without divinity. Its teaching is a spiritual liberation from life’s problems that can only be reached through advice, courses and deep studies. Your cynical media colleagues cast doubt over all the good that we do by spreading a bunch of hocus pocus about us.”

    Then the reporter mentioned Kidman and the two children that she and Cruise adopted. “Now you’ve gone over the line,” Cruise replied. Then, according to Benkow, one of Cruise’s two bodyguards put his hand on the reporter’s shoulder, and Cruise said: “Now, unfortunately, I have to end this, Mr. . . . ?”

    “Benkow,” the reporter replied.

    “Whatever,” Cruise replied. “I have to move on.”

    Cure for the Common Cold!!!


    "I used to have terrible sinus infections all the time. I don't get them at all anymore. I can't remember the last time I got a cold. It's been a long time."

    Cruise has supposedly climbed the ranks of Scientology thinking and is considered a 'Thetan' after having mastered mind over matter.

    Too bad he can't cure douchebagitus.

    Tom Cruise Is A Sith


    I figured out what Tom's problem is. He's power hungry, he acts in an irregular way, he influenced Katie to change her religion. I've got it
    HE'S A SITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Don't you see. It's like Anakin. He was a good person and for then turned to the Dark Side when he wanted more power. Tom has done things that make the majority of his fans turn away.

    Remember when Cruise wrote those "anonymous emails" attacking someone a few months ago?

    Well, I guess his "I hate email" was a prempt for this little stunt going public:

    Tom Cruise's cronies seem to have put a lot of effort into skewing a Parade magazine poll in his favor. recently asked online readers whether they thought Cruise was responsible for his disastrous public relations year or if it was the media's fault. A shocking 84 percent of respondents blamed the press. But Parade publicist Alexis Collado tells us: "We at Parade found this a little bit fishy, so we did some investigating. We found out more than 14,000 (of the 18,000-plus votes) that came in were cast from only 10 computers! One computer was responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom's troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes. It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the survey. There is even a chance they wrote a special 'bot' program for the sole purpose of skewing the results, rather than casting the votes by hand on a computer." Cruise spokesman Paul Bloch told us, "I know nothing about the poll, so we have nothing to comment on."

    Thank you New York Post.

    While We're Stealing...

    Here's the thing: Katie Holmes, of course, is dressed fine -- incorrect-sized [ALLEGED] pregnancy pillow aside. But she looks like hell. Which is what HAPPENS when you've been PREGNANT for ONE YEAR. For REAL. This is officially the WEIRDEST CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIP EVER. I mean it. Sweet fancy Moses (not you, Paltrow), what is going ON WITH THEM? Anything could happen with these two and I wouldn't be surprised. To wit:

    1. Katie Holmes "has" "the baby," and enters a nunnery. Tom Cruise raises the baby on his own. There's a lot of "I LOVE THIS BABY." Not surprising.
    2. Katie Holmes "dies" in "childbirth." Tom Cruise raises the baby on his own. Holmes is occasionally spotted around town, like Elvis, except in the shoe department at Neiman Marcus. Not surprising.
    3. Katie Holmes mysteriously disappears. Foul play is suspected, but there's not enough evidence for anyone to be charged. Years later, it is revealed that -- with the help of a sympathetic Scientologist on the inside [Veronica Mars's Jason Dohring] -- Katie's parents, Joshua Jackson, Kevin Williamson, and Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger staged a dramatic kidnapping at Cruise's headquarters, spiriting Katie away to a small town in Ledger's native Australia where she lived out the rest of her life under the pseudonym Josephine Witter. It is also revealed that an attempt to kidnap the baby was thwarted when Dohring and John Travolta quarreled over the last jelly donut at the Celebrity Centre and Dohring was rendered persona non grata at Casa Cruise in solidarity, thus removing the team's access. Not surprising.

    Look. When InTouch and US Weekly are speculating that the pregnant starlet girlfriend of one of the biggest stars in the world is wearing a prosthetic belly, you are, at the VERY LEAST, in the middle of the most poorly -managed public relations disaster this city has seen in many, many, many a year.

    So let's INDUCE THIS KID and get on with chapter two, already.

    Stolen from, *sigh* not my Favorite Peter, but Go Fug Yourself.

    Stolen With Grace

    Tom Cruise says he's going to the eat the baby's placenta

    I think he's just playing chicken with the media, at this point. Everyone's finding ways to doubt the legitimacy of this baby, and Tom's just giving it right back to us, not backing down one step.

    "No baby?? You think so?? I'm gonna eat the fucking placenta! I'm gonna eat it right there! I'm gonna go down on my wife while she's in labor, and suck the placenta out and spit out the baby! I'm gonna tie the umbilical cord into a bow with my tongue! And Katie has to shutup the whole time! I wanna be a lady! OH SHIT, I mean, I'M IN LOVE WITH A PLACENTA!"

    Stolen verbatim from My Favorite Peter.

    Monday, April 17, 2006

    The (Tom Cruise Is) Short End Of The Stick

  • Cruise installs home hospital. I call bullshit on this one, as it says it only cost $255,000, whereas his home sonogram machine was reportedly more than that.

  • Or maybe they're only considering having it at home.

  • E-mail is as bad as prozac. "Cruise was first introduced to e-mail on the set of the first 'Mission Impossible' film but has never taken to it." Some of the younger cast members would sneak off behind the set to "do email." Cruise, wanting to be cool, and make friends, tried The Email, and soon found himself addicted. He then submitted himself to a detox program, and have never done The Email since.

  • Saturday, April 15, 2006

    The Most Accurate Representation To Date

    TomKat on Ebay

    Friday, April 14, 2006

    Once Again, There Are Too Many Things Wrong With This Picture To List

    Bad Publicity Leads To Katie Losing Role For Batman 2

    Rumor has it Ms. Holmes won't be returning to the set of the new Batman movies. Contriversy surround the antics of Cruise are said to be the cause. During the opening of War Of The Worlds, Cruise took the spotlight from the movie and placed it on his so-called relationship with the young Ms. Holmes.

    Studios are afraid of a repeat, especially with someone who certainly isn't the main character.


    We Told You She Was Missing


    As the Katie baby watch hits full bore it appears that a pattern is emerging for the fabulous Katie Holmes. Last April, there were sixteen days in April during which no one seems to know where she was. Now she is again out of the public eye in April 2006.

    Roger Friedman reported that last year she met with Tom Cruise to talk about Mission Impossible 3 on April 11, 2005.

    She didn't get the movie role and no one really saw her again until she emerged glued to the A-List star sixteen days later on April 27, 2005.


    Now according to Brannon Castleberry who keeps an eye on Katie's every move, she is again unaccounted for. At least publicly. The reporter for Star Magazine documented her earlier routine of leaving the estate to train at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood.

    She would reportedly leave each day for a good deal of time. Now that has ended and there have been no Katie sightings since - April 11, 2006.

    Cue the Twilight Zone music.


    Coincidence - yes - probably. Or perhaps she will emerge sixteen days later on April 27, 2006 with a cute little baby to show the world.

    Does anyone have April 27 in the Katie Holmes baby pool?

    The first stretch is generally agreed to be the brain washing period, which would account for out glassy eyed, agreeable Katie, who never has anything substantial to say without prompt.

    Are they programming a new pillowBaby in the same way?

    The Mysterious Cult Pregnancy of Katie Holmes

    A few of the theories floating around:
    --Katie has already had the baby and is using a prop for her pregnancy
    --Katie was never pregnant and the couple are set to adopt.
    --Katie is ten months pregnant so it must be fake.

    No Charlie Sheen didn't make these up - at least that's not alleged. But the most recent photos show a huge Katie - and here comes the conspiracies.

    Payton O'Brien writes on Gamblin911, "The gig is up. Has anyone ever seen a past-due pregnant woman look like this? She has a thin face, thin arms, and walks upright, as if she's carrying a lightweight pillow."

    from hollywood conspiracy online



    Despite Katie "I'm as virginial as Britney Spears was when she was feigning innocence" Holmes' Catholic upbringing, there will be no baptism for the first fruit of her labor.

    "You can be Catholic and be a Scientologist. You can be Jewish and be a Scientologist," Tom "Icky Creepy Drooly Old Man" Cruise--movie star and male half of the relationship otherwise known as TomKat--told Diane Sawyer in an interview scheduled to air Friday on ABC's Primetime. "But we're just Scientologists."

    While it was announced last summer that Holmes had been taking some Scientology classes, this particular revelation was the couple's (of which Cruise is the given spokesperson) first public acknowledgment that Holmes has fully jumped on her man's belief bandwagon.

    For instance, talk about the couple's Scientology practice has sparked rumors that there's discord between Holmes and her family. Depending on what you're reading on what day, the parents of the 27-year-old Dawson's Creek alumna are very unhappy that she has embraced Cruise's religion of choice, or they're fine with it.

    "Absolutely, yes," Cruise answered, when asked if Holmes' parents, Martin and Kathleen, approved of Scientology. He's close with "the whole family," the Golden Globe winner said.


    Because Catholics are accepting. Suuuuuure.

    But will there be painkillers if need be, even though Scientology seems to frown on certain types of medication?

    "Whatever the woman wants," said Cruise


    Thursday, April 13, 2006

    Fanning Not Dead. Holmes? Not Sure.


    Over the last couple days there has been an image circulating the internet, a screengrab from CNN's website which reports that 12 year old actress Dakota Fanning died. As the story goes, soon after the story was reported, CNN completely removed it from the homepage. But as it turns out, the story, is just that - a story.

    Jennifer Martin, Manager of Technology Public Relations at CNN Worldwide explained to one of the internet sites that printed the screenshot, that it was nothing but a fabrication.

    So what have we learned. No one died, CNN didn't report a false story, and the picture was just a fake. So I guess the only news coming out of this story is thatDakota Fanning is still alive, which is a good thing right?

    I Knew I Love You Before I Paid You To Meet Me

    "I just picked up something and knew at that moment she was pregnant, because I notice things in people." He said.

    That, and he'd been secretly testing her urine for weeks.


    Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    My Faith In The General Public Is Renewed


    ‘‘There’s a scene where Tom (Cruise) gets beaten up pretty badly. And the test audience clapped. It was kind of weird." — a Paramount Pictures insider on the audience reaction at a Mission: Impossible III test screening

    How to give birth the Scientology way

    text from various Hubbards works on pregnancy

    1. According to L. Ron Hubbard - founder of Scientology - it is important to stay silent during childbirth. This is to ensure the avoidance of "engrams' - impressions formed in the brain because of "physical pain or painful" experiences.

    2. Engrams are only relieved through "auditing"- a form of therapy - which is presumably difficult to perform during childbirth. Morning sickness is an "engram" - causes distress and pain (well, duh!)

    3. Says Hubbard, in his book Dianetics: "A woman who is pregnant should be given every consideration by a society which has any feeling for its future generations."

    4. These considerations should apply to those attending a birth. "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and the child. And the maintaining of silence does not mean a volley of sh's."

    5. Meanwhile: "Women, you have a right and a reason to demand good treatment."

    6. He also claims that a great number of midwives and doctors are scientologists themselves.

    7. By the way, life in the womb is not the paradise it has been presented as. Instead "the womb is wet, uncomfortable and unprotected".

    8. Even once the child has been born, Scientology can help. According to Hubbard, emotions are transferred to a child through an electrical wave. "Therefore anyone who is emotional around a pregnant woman is communicating that emotion straight to the child."

    9. Childhood illness mostly comes from - you guessed it - engrams. Prevent this, says Hubbard, by creating a "calm and harmonious atmosphere" for the child.

    10. Furthermore: "Say nothing around a sick child or an injured child. Smile, appear calm, but say nothing."

    11. "If she [the child] falls, she should be helped - but silently."

    12. "Drooling sympathy" offered to a child when he is sick or feeling unwell can trigger engrams

    13. When a young child bounces on a pregnant woman's lap, her unborn child gets an engram.

    14. If the husband uses language during sex, "every word is going to be engramic".

    15. In Scientology, there are those who are prone to engrams and those who are called Clears. A Clear is a rational person who forms the best solutions he can on the information he has.

    16. And pray tell how does one become a Clear? With "some patience and a little study", says Hubbard.

    Shamelessly stolen from here.


    Katie's Gunna Shut Her Pie Hole For A Week

    Good thing she's been practicing for the last nine months. Who wants to bet the baby's first words will be "I'm so in love. It's amazing."

    Tom Cruise Plays Doctor

    You Must Respect The Detox!

    In the interview, the actor claims he can get someone off heroin in three days through Scientology's detox programs.

    His later claims of inventing the internet were dismissed as well.

    Holmes Missing, Presumed Dumb

    Katie Holmes Hasn't Been Seen In A Few Days

    This means that whatever baby they're adopting is ready, and they have to stay out of sight so when they show up with a non-newborn, no one will balk.

    Already balking here.

    I wonder if her pillow will get tossed in the trash when the Bought-Baby shows up.

    Monday, April 10, 2006


    ...someone kicks scientology's ass

    Thursday, April 06, 2006

    Remember My Whole FakeKatie v. RealKatie?


    FakeKatie. Look at the face. That may LOOK like Miss Holmes, but *something* is wrong. It *isn't* RealKatie.

    Now, here we have RealKatie. Take a long look at that "belly/boob" area.

    There is NO WAY that shit is real, yo.

    Quick Like Bunnies

  • Media sources who have been watching her shop, visit Yahoo, and go to a recent sporting event, commented on how easily Katie moves around, and hops into vehicles. Women in their 9th month do not move like this, nor do they wear regular tight jeans. Her 'pregnant' stomach is too high!

  • More conspiracy theories. (Though, they claim these theories are "new." Far from it.)

  • Cruise clones himself, errr, buys Katie a second big ole dummy, to keep her pie hole stuffed.

  • Apparently, pillows can be female.

  • Tom's dad, school yard bullies, gave tom some "medicine".

  • "Holmes ...seemed dazed, passive and vacant. She never stopped smiling."

  • Wednesday, April 05, 2006

    Spare The Herp, Spoil The Pillow

    Katie Holmes is out shopping, apparently. Her pillow is looking more like a beach ball. And the Herp is back.

    Seriously, no one's belly looks like that. NO ONE'S.

    Anyway, expect a release party for pillow and movie early next month, because apparently adopting a nice white baby isn't as easy as thought.

    Monday, April 03, 2006


    Somewhere, in silence, a woman is giving birth to a pillow.

    We're here to remind you why this is not okay.

    Saturday, April 01, 2006

    Maybe This Is Wishfull Thinking

    But what if this "pregnancy" was just the most elaborate April 1st joke ever?

    That would be fantastic.